Don't Step On The Flowers

It had been another long, hard night. Tseng seemed to be doing everything in his power to drive Reno to the point of cracking since Elena had taken off for Fandom, and Reno couldn't exactly blame him. This time, it had been a run to the outskirts of the makeshift city, under heavy gunfire, to neutralize a group of citizens who had gotten fed up with the poverty. They'd gone out, found themselves some weapons inside the wreckage of the old ShinRa building, and had taken to going door-to-door, shaking people down and waving said guns in their faces until they handed over all of their food.

Not cool.

( In Which Stuff Happens, And Reno Has A Chewy Ear. )

[Open for phone calls or what-have-you.]

It had been a long day, and Reno had gotten permission to beat people up for candy, which meant that Deadpool was the coolest adult ever. But, as really cool days tended to go, there was always a time when wee Renos had to retire to their bedrooms again, in order to pull on their pyjamas and get ready for be-

"WEASEL! WEASEL WEASEL WEASEL!!!"

Maybe not get ready for bed so much. There was a time when wee Renos had to harass the poor ferret, instead.

Honk!

[Open room post is open!]

"--And you don't even smell that bad," Reno said, holding his ferret in his arms. He'd been going on like this since he'd woken up and decided to strike up a friendly rapport with his pet. "Kinda like sour somethin'-or-other or kinda gunky feet or somethin'. I've smelled worse, yo. I mean, like, I smelled worse, Mako. You should'a seen the kinda junk we had to wade through as Turks. And, I mean, Midgar. There was a city that stank. I miss Midgar. And here I am talkin' to you like a nut. You know, I shouldn't even have a pet? I only agreed to gettin' you when Rikku dragged me to the pet shop 'cause I crave some kinda companionship that ain't gonna leave me just because they find out I'm some kinda heartless government tool--"

That was about the point where he furrowed his eyebrows and frowned.

"And you don't care. You're some kinda weasel thing. So why am I tellin' you this?"

Mako blinked up at Reno lazily, and then set his chin down on his lap and attempted to sleep. Snoozing was hard when someone kept trying to strike up a conversation with you, after all.

[Open door is open!]

It was morning! Almost morning! Kinda morning! The glowy letters on the clock-thingie were looking kinda like they usually did when Mako always woke up to scratch around his cage and Reno was in bed and he had to get up soon anyhow because it was Reno-wake-up time and Mako wasn't in his cage today, he was on the floor! In clothing things! And he was biiiiiiiiig.

Which, really, could only mean one thing.

Today was the day that Mako was going to steal the bed and put it over there in his corner under his cage!!

With a somewhat uncoordinated happy sort of bounce which wound up with him falling on his behind with a loud thud because bouncing on two legs was harder than bouncing on four legs but that was okay because he was just fine anyhow!!!-- Mako started to tug on the end of the spare bed with his hands. Which, he decided, was soooo much cooler than pulling on things with his mouth, and he was going to totally keep these hands if he was allowed.

Over there, across the room, Reno was being all sleeeepy and cranky and he soooo wasn't a morning person. Which was sad, because if he was, Mako was gonna want to play, and it was eating time anyhow, and shouldn't Reno be awake to feed him soon? He should! So Mako was going to try to honk but it came out as a giggle-thing and he would bounce and trip over his own feet and giggle-honk some more until Reno opened his eyes and sat up and--

"Who the shit are you, zoto?!"

Victory!

[Post is open for interaction, if you're up before anyone in the universe should have any right to be IC, and if you don't mind crazy slowplay OOC!]

Reno cracked open one eye.

And then he cracked open the other.

And then he shot into a sitting position with a bit of a yelp, looking around his room in a cold sweat.

... Oh. Okay. Okay, he wasn't dead, and he wasn't locked in a closet while not dead, after all, and he was pretty certain that he was sane again. Or as close as he ever got to it. No evil twins? No vast fortune? He was still just a dirty paid killer from the slums? He'd just slept in?

Okay. Good. Reno shook his head to himself, swore up and down that someday he was gonna find the island's balls so that he could kick them in, and then he got out of bed to feed his ferret. His nice, normal, possibly slightly retarded mutt of a ferret, who had perfectly normal toes and a tendency to honk at anything that moved.

"Fandom is way too friggin' weird," he mumbled to himself.

Mako Dumbass the First agreed with a hearty sort of honk while he gnawed on Reno's fingers.

[Open if anyone wants to say hi. I just felt like being all posty.]

Rone, the twin of the ill-fated and rather dim, rather wealthy, and stunningly attractive Reno, had spent Saturday in his newly acquired room, rifling through all of his ill-gotten gains. The body of his late brother had been tied up (simply because one could never be too careful) and locked in the closet, where Rone wouldn't have to lay eyes on it until he could find the opportunity to properly dispose of the very clearly, certainly, obviously, and indisputably dead thing.

He didn't mind losing the closet space, really. His twin brother kept very little in his enormous walk-in closet, aside from a few Armani suits and the food for Reno's rarest-of-the-rare prized pedigree Amazon black-footed angora siamese polydactyl scentless albino vegan afghan show-ferret, of course. And Rone had little interest in such trivial things.

No, no, Rone's attention had been on far more important fare. Reno's diary, left on the nightstand with the key conveniently set beside it for purposes of quickening along the scene, had proven to be interesting reading last night. He had learned a great deal about the family that he had never known and about the life that he was now going to assume for his own.

His foolish brother's diary had become his bible, and a red sharpie marker had taken care of the little matter of mimicking the two red birthmarks on his brother's cheeks, which were the only features that, at a glance or a glimpse or even a good, long look, set the two of them apart.

Armed with Reno's entire life story scrawled in flowery calligraphy in a little black book, Rone's plot to have his revenge and to take the family fortune for himself was finally underway. Reno's wallet was in his pocket, and he'd painstakingly perfected the art of forging his twin brother's signature overnight. All that remained now was the process of insinuating himself into every aspect of the life that his brother had once known.

Just as soon as he'd had himself a nice, long, melodramatic laugh, naturally.

[Door is closed, but the post is open, if you'd like to pop in. I'm headed to bed right away, but I'll be around to catch pings in the morning!]

Once again, Reno woke up.

Yesterday had possibly been the best day of his life.

Reno had a scale for things like this. It had little numbers that he'd tack on to awesome moments. Knowing that his home world wasn't going to be crushed under a giant rock, for example, had earned a nine out of ten. Winning a battle with a monster on the field had usually scored about a five or a six.

But yesterday, he had been a hot lesbian. And he had done the sorts of things that hot lesbians did. And that had earned a score of over nine-thousand.

This morning, he was going to just wake up, and snuggle closer to Rikku, and grin. He was laying down on his hair, which made the rolling over awkward, sure, and for a moment he was uncertain as to if he'd changed back or not.

A quick excursion with his hand assured him that he was, in fact, male again, and the Fandom Weirdness had just decided to be kind and leave him a souvenir of his time spent as a girl. (Aside from the photos. And the videos. And the sweet, sweet memories.)

Yes. That was a squee as Reno hugged his own ponytail. Shut up. He'd missed it.

[For the girl, who was totally modded with permission woo!]

After a day of wandering lost in the pea soup that was the fog out there (and Reno had thought he'd seen some pretty thick smog back when he was living in Midgar), he'd finally, finally found his way back to his cabin, his alcove, his bed, parked himself on top of it, and dammit, he wasn't going anywhere until he absolutely had to.

In the face of the fog and of ... current events, it was probably a good idea to just stay put for a while.

Stay put, and muse over the fireworks that he'd made in class earlier that day.

Eventually, he'd set them off. He hoped they were as flashy as he'd heard fireworks were supposed to be.

[Open Alcove is Open~]

After the fiasco with the television yesterday, Reno had emptied out about half of his liquor stash before going to bed.

Waking up with a hangover and then taking a shower in rum had been unexpected, but he was willing to look at it as a new beginning.

A good start to the day.

Better than being to his knees in fictional sewer water had been.

That was why all of Reno's empties were now filled with showerhead rum. And once he was done having himself another shower in the hair of the dog, he was going to spend a good chunk of the day in his room, loving the heck out of the weirdness of Fandom.

[[Tuesday woo! Shamelessly linkdroppy for one whole link and establishy unless someone wants to pop in to harrass Reno and his rum-water. Me? I'm headed to bed. Mmm, bed.]]

When Reno woke up on Saturday morning, he noticed four things.

First, that the alcove was very, very large around him.

Second, that he was made of plastic.

Third, that he was still desperate for a smoke, despite the fact that he was an action figure, and the nicotine gum he'd handwavily picked up was now the same size as his face.

And fourth, that there seemed to be a good deal of whinnying going on throughout the campgrounds.

Therefore, Reno made the executive decision to stay in bed.

"I hate this freakin' island," he mumbled as he crawled under his pillow.

[I couldn't resist, if only for the chance to use this OOC icon of mine IC. Reno's an action figure, and probably will be for a couple of days, but if you want to harass him now, bear in mind that I work tonight, and we're looking at crazy slowplay for the day.]