raspberryturk | Room 429, Sunday Evening

There was a Rikku, knocking at Reno's door. Because.

"I need to talk to someone," Rikku announced to the hallway. "Things just aren't right. This whole weekend is making my head hurt. And radio last night said the weirdest things! Maybe Reno knows what's going on?"

Rikku glared at the empty hall. "This can stop any time now, Fandom."

Well. So much for another long stretch of reading. Rone cursed under his breath and tucked the diary away into the pocket of his suit, standing and heading to the door.

Yeah, sure, Reno would know what was going on. Locked and tied and dead in the closet like he was.

"What about things not being right?" Rone pulled the door open and frowned.

And then he got himself a good look at what must have been his brother's girl.

And then he wasn't frowning, anymore.

"Well, hello there."

"Hi," Rikku said, blushing. "I, uh. I was ... talking to myself? I've been doing that all weekend. I just announce what's going on to the hallways and the counterpeople at Chilly Boulder. That's where I was yesterday, having ice cream with Dawn. I'm so glad she's back in town for the weekend. You see? I can't turn it off."

"You don't usually talk that much?" Rone wouldn't have been surprised if she did, really. All the cute, girly types were prone to talking and never shutting up. "Must be one really special sort of weekend, huh?"

The sort of weekend where your man's twin kills him for his fortune, and then decides to set his eye on his girl, too. That sort of weekend.

Really special, that.

She rolled her eyes. "Not nice of you to tease me," she said lightly. "No, I mean ... the whole, gratuitous exposition deal. I keep explaining things. Things everybody already knows. Like I'm doing now. Has anything weird happened to you, this weekend? The radio mentioned your name and then it was just static. I lost the station for a couple of minutes. Really strange timing on that. Sounds like a bad plot, you know?"

"The worst," Rone cooed, stepping forward to lean against the doorway.

It gave him a better look at some of his brother's less monetary assets. Niiice.

"Plots don't come as bad as this one, you know. We really ought to do something about that."

If she didn't have any ideas, he would happily suggest a few.

She was blushing again. Damn him anyway.

"Can I come in?" she asked. "Not like that. I mean. I know we're not ... we're only sort of ... that it's messy? Because of last weekend, when you went home to Gaia and blew yourself up, and how you don't know where you stand with the Turks? So we're ... you know."

Awkward gestures could take the place of exposition. Good to know.

"But I need to talk and everything's crazy and you said ... it was okay, us being friends, and I could use one. A friend. I swear I'm not doing this on purpose."

"Baby, you know you're welcome to come in here anytime," Rone said, stepping aside and gesturing into the room. "Talk all you want."

He wondered if maybe she would stop talking if she did come in there.

He wanted to find out.

And if it was messy over some fool thing that his idiot brother had done last weekend, then damn, he was certainly the man to fix it. After all, if anyone was good at dealing with blowing up Reno, it was Rone.

"You don't mind?" she asked, relieved as she stepped through the doorway and looked around.

It was okay to sit on his bed, wasn't it? No reason it shouldn't be. Just a bed. Just sitting. Good, then.

"I'm just so confused," she said. "My roommate, Ella, she's not acting like herself at all. I keep talking out loud and going on and on about stuff everyone knows. And I don't know what's up with us. We went to Homecoming and it was wonderful and I wish everything could be like it was but I'm not sure any more if it can. Maybe I'm thinking too much. Maybe everyone's gone crazy. What happened to you, anyway?"

Taking a seat right beside her, Rone licked his lips and listened to what she had to say.

Well. He made the motions of listening. He was looking, more than anything else.

"It wasn't anything to worry about," he stated, and maybe if he fudged it a little, he could just apply that to the whole mess of words she'd just dumped at him. "I have it handled. If you want it like it was, then we make it like it was. If the world's gone crazy, maybe all we have to do is ignore it for a while."

Why yes, he was, in fact, leaning. Why?

She pulled away, hesitantly. "You know it's not that easy," she said. Softly.

She was seriously amazed that there wasn't more to that. Which is how she jinxed it.

"I've ... never really been okay with your job. And I'm not sure what that means. And ... if I close my eyes and kiss you? I'll forget everything and I'll stay here tonight and that won't ... help. It just won't."

Could she please stop thinking about how much she wanted to? That'd be nice.

His hand was reaching for her shoulder, and he gave a little shake of his head, his voice dropping low, his eyes on hers.

She had some pretty entrancing eyes, he had to admit. Almost as easy to look at as the rest of hers.

"We can let it be that easy. Fall into one another's arms. Get lost in everything you wanna let happen when you close your eyes." He smiled. "The old Reno's gone now. We can start wherever you want to, baby."

And he wasn't even lying.

"And what happens tomorrow morning?" she said, letting out a frustrated sigh. "I can't ... we'll wake up and we'll start this whole fight all over again. I don't want to fight. I don't ... I don't know what I want."

That last bit might not have been entirely true, and she had to drop her eyes and blush harder. Damn him anyway.

"I want you," he decided, right there and then. His hand reached up to cradle her chin with one finger, and he leaned close enough that he could feel her breath against his lips, warm and sweet and irresistible.

There was just something perfect about stealing his brother's life away. Something oddly fitting about taking his money and his name and his pedigree albino ferret, and then topping it off with his life and his girl, as well.

"No fights. No job. Just you. And me."

And then he closed the distance between his lips and hers.

She shouldn't -- she -- but they --

Rikku sighed and fell into the kiss. Warm. Real. Hers. The hell with everything that wasn't here. The hell with tomorrow morning. His lips were teasing hers, and his arms were safe, and she wanted to drown.

Could they? Drown?

They could. They could drown in one another, Rone and the girl with the crazy eyes, the one his brother wrote about in what was practically a novella, on a stolen bed in a stolen room, while he reached for the bottom of that shirt of hers and made to push her back onto the bed.

Couldn't kiss her hard enough. Couldn't take her soon enough.

All to himself.

Oh, what a stupid idea, and she knew it was a stupid idea, and she was tugging on her shirt anyway, and fumbling at his buttons. Too long. Had been. Too long. Needed. Wanted. Please?

She was going to hate herself tomorrow. She couldn't bring herself to care.

She wanted, and he wanted, and if she was going to pull at his shirt, then he was going to just slip hers right on up and-

"You bastard!"

The closet door swung open, then, courtesy of Reno's shoulder (and really, he could have simply used the doorknob. He'd been tied up as a precaution, but it wasn't as though dead men could open doors, so it had been left unlocked), and Reno stumbled into the room, pointing an accusatory finger at the couple that was entangled on his bed.

"Get your filthy lips off of her!"

Rone didn't seem too terribly thrilled that his brother was standing.

"You're supposed to stay dead," he informed Reno, rather annoyed. Some people simply had some nerve, getting up and interrupting things like this by turning out to be alive.

"Reno!" Rikku sat up abruptly, looking from one Reno to the other. And grabbing around for her shirt, because it was sort of embarrassing to have this conversation in a panda bra.

"Reno, why were you in your own closet? Why are there two of you? Which of you was I kissing? What's going on?"

She huffed as she pulled her shirt on. "Any time, Fandom, seriously."

"I shot you!" That announcement was made from Rone, the 'Reno' who was pulling himself to his feet and was still cranky at having been interrupted at all. "You're supposed to stay dead!"

Reno wasn't so keen on that plan.

"You're a terrible aim, zoto!" (Zoto, of course, was a word that Reno had picked up on safari once, speaking with the aboringinals of the exotic Cosmo Canyon, meaning "I have a banana in my left nostril." He had thought it to be a very profound word, and so had taken to using it as frequently as often, never understanding why the locals had seemed so amused. He had thought, perhaps, that they were simply flattered at his exemplary use of their native tongue.)

And it was about then that the two Renos, both decked out in identical clothing, lunged at one another, aiming to wrestle the other into the floor.

Rikku screamed. Maybe it was a squeak. A squeak of a scream.

"You shot him!?" Rikku gasped. "Who is he!? Are they both you? Which one of you was I kissing!?!"

It was really hard not knowing which of them she was supposed to root for. Not that it mattered much, since she couldn't tell which was which right now anyway.

"He's my brother," one of the Reno's hissed, letting a fist fly toward the other, who was ducking and running forward shoulder-first in an attempt to slam the other Reno into the wall. "Rone."

"No," the other Reno protested, prying himself off of the wall and bringing a knee up to catch his brother in the guts with, "he's Rone, and I'm Reno. You have to believe me. We were separated at b-hnnf~"

It was difficult to talk while you were being kicked in the ribs like that, really.

"Hey, you never mentioned a brother!" Rikku huffed. "You could have tipped a girl off, here! 'Just in case, shnookums, I have a crazy evil brother and he might try to make out with you!'"

Pause.

"It was the evil one I was making out with, wasn't it? That seems like an evil twin kinda thing to do. Is all. Um. Are you okay?"

"NO," both boys chorused at once, and then proceeded to continue smacking one another around some more.

One boy would grab the other by the back of the jacket and attempt to pull it up over his head, effectively covering his face so that he couldn't see what was going on, while the one who couldn't see had grabbed the other by the waist of the pants, and was dragging him backward in tripping little circles.

The albino registered polydactyl afghan ferret looked up, snuffled at the air a moment, noted what was going on, and proceeded to yawn and go back to sleep.

"Some help, here?" One of the Renos peered out from under his jacket, which was now tearing at the armpits and was threatening to come off entirely.

"Yeah, a bit of assistance would be most appreciated," the other pleaded, attempting to straighten his pants before they were tugged clean down to his knees.

"Well, I have no idea which of you to help!" Rikku said, bouncing up and reaching between them. She shoved her arms outward, hoping to push the two of them apart.

"Can one of you tell me what's going on, here? I was ... kissing one of you and the other was in the closet and you never mentioned having a twin brother before, so which of you is the good twin and which is the evil twin and which was I dating, anyway?! And was I at least making out with the right one just now!?!"

"You were kissing him," both of the boys chimed at once, and then they stopped in their tracks, taking a step backward and eying one another warily.

"He's the evil one," the one on Rikku's right insisted, shifting his weight uneasily.

"Are you kidding? He shot me," the other protested. "Though he did a rotten job of it. And then tied me up and shoved me in the closet."

"I did not! I was the one in the closet!"

This was not accomplishing much, clearly.

"Okay, stop," Rikku said, holding her hands up. "So I was kissing the evil one. Awesome. Just what I wanted. And now you guys are doing the really lame 'no, I'M the good twin' thing and I have to figure out which of you is which. 'Cause this weekend hates me. Right?"

Two ponytailed red heads nodded. At least they were both agreeing, for once.

"Okay," Rikku said, clapping her hands together. "Take your pants off."

"What?"

This was, once again, delivered in lovely two-part harmony by two boys whose voices sounded practically identical. Were it not so confusing, it would be a thing of beauty.

Still and all, they were warily both reaching to unbuckle their belts.

For whatever reason, one of the Renos seemed slightly more smug than the other about the undressing thing. Either he just really liked to be naked (Which was entirely possible), or he knew that Rikku was getting at something.

Down their pants went at once, leaving the both of them standing around in their equally goofy boxer shorts.

Edited 2008-10-13 06:13 (UTC)

Rikku eyerolled. "Oh, come on. You're shy now? Both of you? I mean, I can't imagine the good twin is suddenly some kind of altar boy, and the bad twin was all over me. And you know, if I'm dating the good twin, the bad twin must be having sex, like, six times a day. Whoa. Not the point. The point: strip. It's nothing I haven't seen before, and you know it."

She was getting at something, but she sort of enjoyed watching them squirm.

..... her mind was not at all wondering about the possibilities of two naked Renos. Shut up.

"She's got a point," the slightly more smug of the two pointed out, and down went the boxer shorts.

"Yeah," the other had to agree. "Real good point."

And then, where there were two boys in boxers, there were now two boys in dress shirts and socks, one still wearing a suit jacket, the other in about three-quarters of a suit jacket.

Yes, they were still glowering at one another.

"We naked enough, yet?" The boy in the half a suit jacket, the one with the very nice, very pasty, very bare behind asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'm pretty sure we are, zoto," the other one replied. The one whose behind was just as naked, not not quite as bare. He was the one who was smirking. Just a little.

And now, Rikku had to take a nice stroll around and check out both Renos.

... what? This could be important. Had to be absolutely sure. Maybe take a couple of loops.

And then she stopped, reaching up to kiss the cheek of one of them. Reno. Her Reno.

"Nice tattoo, sexy," she said. "Can I help kick his ass?"

"Tattoo?" Rone was sputtering, now, backing away from the pair, wide-eyed. His plot had been foiled! "Who the hell gets a chocobo tattooed to their behind?"

"It was a vacation," Reno shared, offering Rikku a bit of a lovestruck smile. He was indeed her Reno. That didn't mean he was any less strange as a result of the weekend's weirdness. "There was a copious amount of drinking involved."

Rone? Was now making his way toward the door, attempting to pull his pants up as he went. The gun! He had to find the gun! It was... in one of those pockets of his... Somewhere!

Ooooookay, her Reno was kinda not quite her Reno, because he'd just used the word 'copious.' Still.

Rikku marched over to the Not-Reno and grabbed the back of his shirt. "Leaving so soon?" she cooed, before shoving him forward into the wall. "But we were just getting acquainted."

That was punctuated by her pulling his head back and slamming it into the wall.

Jerk.

Reno continued to be absolutely awestruck while he worked on putting his pants back on. Pants? Were important in modern society as a means of providing comfort and protection to more vulnerable areas.

Also, his brother was in the room. Awkward, yes.

Rone, on the other hand, was now staggering around, holding the front of his head, in a daze.

"I didn't mean anything personal by it," he attempted, patting his pockets down. Gun? Gun? Anywhere? No? Blast! "I was merely making my greatest attempt at inheriting the family fortune that I was denied upon our father's passing!"

"You weren't even born yet when our father left this world," Reno said with a sad shake of his head, remembering fondly the stories of the brave Wutai war hero double-agent SOLDIER who had passed on his Mako-blue eyes to his sons and his fortune to his beloved mistress who resided over the Midgar plates before going down in a blaze of glory not far from Fort Tamblin. It had been a sad, sad day in Reno's life, three months before he was born. "I miss him, so."

Rone managed, despite the concussion, to roll his eyes irritably.

Rikku had to look away from Not-Reno for a minute, to squint oddly at Supposed-to-Be-Reno.

"Are you sure you're Reno?" she said suspiciously. "Because you're seriously not acting like you at all. I mean, he's acting more like you than you are. You said 'copious', yoto. And you kinda didn't ... know your dad?"

"Of course I'm Reno," Reno replied, looking oddly at Rikku. "Who else would I be?"

... Aside from, of course, his own evil twin.

"Tell you what," Rone suggested, leaning heavily on Reno's dresser while he finally managed to get his pants zipped, "you let me go, and we'll forget this whole thing happened. No harm, no foul."

"He shot me," Reno stressed again. Just in case the audience at home had missed this point a good two or three dozen times before. "Well. At me. He tied me up. And he's wearing marker on his face."

He was. Sharpie. He certainly passed for Reno at a glance. Handsome devil.

"His nose is all wrong," Reno sniffed.

It wasn't.

"Maybe you're all triplets and the real Reno is in the other closet," Rikku said.

... that sounded like a real possibility, so she was going to throw it open just to check.

"Okay, look. I came in here to talk. And he was all flirty and we kinda ... kissed. Some." And took her shirt off, but who was counting? "Then you burst in all 'unhand her, you oaf!' as if you talk like that. And you don't. But you have the tattoo and that's kinda not the thing you can just absorb, so you have to be you, but you're not acting like you, and I'm expositioning again. Maybe the triplet's out in the hall?"

"Actually," Rone contributed helpfully, "the triplet is in boarding school. In Corel."

"I thought he was volunteering in that church in Sector Five, giving flowers to old ladies as they wander down the streets," Reno added.

"No, no, that's our long-lost sister, Aerith."

"Oh. Right."

It was entirely possible that they weren't even aware how odd this conversation had gone.

"For what it's worth," Rone tossed in, not helpfully in the least, "you're a real good kisser, babe."

"See?" Rikku said helpfully, latching on to the last comment Reno had made. Rone. One of them. "See? That's how you talk. Except it's not usually babe. And I was in here five minutes and he already had me making out with him and you're just being all fancy and stuffy and what ho, Jeeves. Are you sure you're you? And he's not you? Did you brain-swap? Anybody interested in a threeway? Okay, let's all pretend I didn't say that last one out loud."

"I would be interested in a-"

"I'm calling the police," Reno announced, with the sudden sort of fervor found in those who had just been handed the option to have threeway sex which included evil twins. "We'll see how good the threeways are... in prison!"

The atmosphere was thick with so much tension, everything had to go eerily quiet in the room for what had to be a good thirty seconds.

Or perhaps it was three minutes. Was that a commercial break?

No matter.

"We'll see how good the threeways are... in prison," Reno repeated, in the exact same tone of voice he'd used a few minutes before. Just in case the lengthy pause had made people forget what he'd said.

"Okay, wooooooooow," Rikku said, staring at them both. "You're so not Reno. At all. I'm gonna ... go. I think. I should go. Right? 'Cause ... you're all ... calling the cops, instead of just shooting him in the face, and he doesn't have a tattoo, and I liked making out with him and I was gonna be stupid and have sex with him and now I can't. I hate Fandom right now."

All this hissyfit needed, to be complete, was for her to stomp her foot and march to the door and leave. So she was doing that.

Both of the boys stood there, staring at Rikku in confusion as she stormed out the door.

~~Had that been in the script?~~

That wasn't how people usually reacted to such dramatic moments, was it?

"I'm gonna go out on a limb," Rone said, leveling his gaze on Reno, "and I'm gonna say that you blew it, brother dearest."

That was about the point that Reno had decided that he'd had quite enough, and he shoved his twin brother clear through the window, where he plummeted to his untimely demise...

Or did he?

Room 429, Sunday Evening

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