raspberryturk | Between... Somewhere, and the Dorms, Monday Night

Rikku stayed late, after ... being out for personal reasons that aren't anyone's business. Plus she had to clean up wherever it was that she was. Let's say the TA Lounge. Might have been somewhere else.

She left the not-important-at-all building and was walking back to the dorms, not really paying much attention to who or what she passed on the way.

Okay, the sight of a guy leaning against a wall smoking, that caught her attention.

"Hey."

"Yo." Reno exhaled a lungful of tobacco smoke and nodded his hello. "S'late. You want an escort to the dorms?"

He wasn't going to ask why she was out if she didn't ask why he was. Not that they didn't each already know, or anything. Huh. Fancy meeting you out here.

Not talking about the club meant not talking about the club. Important cloak and dagger thing. She was weird like that, okay?

"Yeah," she nodded. "It'd be nice. So, uh."

She chewed her lip. "You ... take care of your ... twin?"

"Fandom Weirdness," Reno said, giving a dismissive shake of his head as he started walking. "I ain't no stupid plate fucker. Never had a brother. Or a sister. And anyhow, even if he was real, I threw him outta the window after you left."

...

"He had it comin' to him, yo."

"Which ... one was you?" Rikku asked. "I mean, you were the plate-guy that kinda wasn't you, right? With the tattoo? And not the ... evil one that I kinda ... made out with?"

This wasn't awkward at all. Seriously.

"Yep. You made up with the me that wasn't me that was more like me than I was."

It made sense. If you picked it apart.

"And I was dead in a closet. Until I wasn't dead no more. This place is so freakin' stupid sometimes." Reno shook his head and focused on his smoke for another moment. "You still talkin' too much?"

"Depends," she said. "I mean. The same way I always used to: yes. But not the weird exposition stuff."

She hugged her arms. "I didn't mean to ... um. I didn't ... cheat on you, did I? 'Cause I thought he was you and I was really just wanting to talk and he got all ... suave on me, and I got all stupid."

Reno gave his head a little bit of a shake.

"Nah. Guy doesn't even really exist. You don't gotta worry about kissin' some guy if he ain't even real. And you thought he was me. And we're kinda..."

They were kind of...

"Somethin'."

"I didn't mean to be kissing him," she blurted out. Again. "You. Either. I wanted to talk because things were weird and he was all, 'you think too much, it's all cooooool' and I'm stupid so I just went with it and oh my gosh, what was I thinking? I wasn't. At all."

She seriously regretted it. A lot. Especially that bit where they got interrupted and she hadn't just pulled him over her and --

Wow, she was bad at this being-friends thing.

"It's cool." That came out... maybe a little more tersely than Reno had intended it to. "He wasn't even me. Wasn't real. You were kissin' hot air."

Deep breath. Talking. Walking. Keeping it casual.

"Not like it means somethin' if it wasn't real. You're still in the clear, zoto."

"I didn't say it didn't ... mean anything." Rikku bit her lip. "I mean -- I said we were just gonna, you know, take some time, and you bust in and there I am, letting some guy pull my shirt off. If you're mad, I -- I get it, I just ... I was trying to say it just happened, I wasn't ... wasn't lying."

"I got no reason to be mad." His eyes were on the ground as he walked. No reason to look up. Whatever. "Your lips, you can do whatever you want to with 'em. I ain't gonna stop you. S'not like we're even really datin' anymore."

A pause. A long, painful pause that felt like an hour but only lasted two or three seconds.

"Are we?"

...

"Probably not, anyhow."

Rikku was going to stare at him. And fight down the urge to choke him.

"I thought he was you," she snapped. "I wasn't just wandering up and down the halls looking for someone to make out with. Do you get that!? Is that what you think of me!?"

"You're sick of my job and you're sick of me," he hissed, more smoke than words, a stung sort of whisper as he stopped in his tracks. "You remember that? So, you thought he was me. He wasn't. He must'a had somethin' I didn't have. S'fine."

"I stayed that night," Rikku said, sharply. "I said I was sick of always being last, and you said I wasn't, and I stayed. And you wanna know why it was him, and not you? 'Cause he sat me down and he said, 'you worry too much. I'll take care of it. I just want you.'"

"You do worry too much," Reno replied, shaking his head. "He didn't know what he was takin' care of, though. There's your difference. He could take care of it, 'cause to him, it wasn't even a problem. And here I am, draggin' you through hell, and you're all... angry 'cause I kept the job, or whatever, and I'm tryin' to take care of it. I want to. At least I know what it is."

"No," Rikku said. "There isn't a difference. I kept saying it was a bad idea, and he said it didn't matter, and I ... can't say no to you. Him. Whoever. I knew it wasn't going to be that easy, and I didn't care, because ... you were kissing me."

Deep breath. Deep breath. Deep inhale of smoke. Exhale.

Okay.

"That... doesn't fix nothin', though."

Didn't change the fact that he was a Turk, or maybe that he wasn't. Didn't change the things they'd said to one another. Didn't change the things they didn't say. Didn't mean they'd said what they should have.

"I know," she said, gesturing with some frustration and turning on her heel. Back to the dorms. The hell with it. "I'm not perfect, okay? I'm not saying, hey, that was a really smart idea of mine. I'm saying, that's what happened. Okay? You're right. It doesn't fix anything. I know that."

And then he was following her again. It was a bad idea. He should have headed the other direction. Wandered out to the mainland and never looked back. Fuck school and fuck the Turks and fuck all of this shit.

But he was following her again. Bad idea. But he didn't care.

"Just wanting to kiss don't make everything that's fucked up between us just go away," he snarled at her backside, and then stopped in his tracks again and shook his head. "You wanna kiss? Right now, here, c'mere and we can press our lips together until they fall the fuck off and pretend it's all okay, and it still won't be! You want that?"

"What's it matter? You don't!" She was going to turn around to yell at him for this one, yes. "Maybe he didn't know what the hell he was talking about, but he said, fuck it, kiss me and we'll work it out! Is that so awful? Oh, but if that was me, you'd go, hey, no, that's not a good idea. You're all noble like that. Good for you. I'm not going to stand here and apologize to you for saying yes just 'cause hey, it's gonna be messy. I didn't care. Okay? You wanna keep shouting at me about how it's not gonna work out, you knock yourself out."

"I want it to work! Damn it, Rikku! I want to make it work! I'm just scared I'm gonna fuck it up, okay? I'm scared I'm gonna try an' leave ShinRa, and it's gonna just be some kinda joke, and they'll pull me back and that'll be that! I'm scared somethin' else big is gonna happen, and it ain't gonna be because I made a choice to do the right damn thing for once, it's gonna be because I'm a Turk! I'm scared I don't know what I'm doing!"

Also, he was yelling.

Edited 2008-10-14 03:35 (UTC)

"I'm scared, too!" Really, really yelling now. "You were dead! Okay!?? Do you have any idea how awful that was!? You were dead! That was it! You think you're scared, well, you didn't watch me die! Okay?!! I'm scared, too, and then you kissed me and now you're mad that I was kissing him-that-I-thought-was-you because ooooh, we didn't work things out first, and I didn't care! Okay? You wanna be pissed at me for that, you wanna remind me this is messy, go right ahead!"

And this next bout of yelling was louder than possibly all other yelling Reno had done in his life.

"E YS HUD SYT YD OUI!"

Deep breaths. Not shaking. Not thinking. Just breathing. Dropping his smoke on the ground and crushing it under his heel and breathing.

"I just wanna fix all the shit that's goin' on! I wanna hold you close and I wanna kiss you and I wanna tell you that everything is gonna be okay, and I just wanna be able to mean it! I don't see what the fuck is wrong with wantin' to be able to tell you the truth, for once!"

"Then tell me the truth!" she snapped. She could shake enough for both of them. "Why are you yelling if you're not mad!? Why do you say you want to work it out if you're not even doing anything!? Why do we have to work it all out first, anyway? Why can't we just stop thinking for five minutes! Would that be so freaking awful!? I know it was a bad idea to kiss him, and I'm not sorry! I'd do it again! Okay?!"

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