raspberryturk | Between... Somewhere, and the Dorms, Monday Night

"We don't have mako," she shared, following him up the stairs. "And we've got some technology. It's not the power sources that get us, zoto. It's how to make things run that use them. We just don't know what there is to build and how to build it. That's why I send so many diagrams home. Charts and ... you know. Blueprints."

"What we really gotta do, then," Reno mused, finally stepping onto the fourth floor, "is take your power sources, and put 'em to our tech, and see if we can make that work for both worlds, yo. Gaia's biggest problem since losin' the mako is that it can't make anything run. And you got... nothin' to run? We just trade off, then. Make it work for both worlds."

It seemed simple enough in his head, anyhow.

"That ... sounds like it could work," she said, giving him a curious glance. "Which means we're totally missing something important, here, because nothing's ever that easy. Especially not once we've got the two of us involved, right?"

Exhibit A: their entire relationship.

"Somethin' like that." Reno was almost smiling again. It was still a tired smile. But it wasn't forced, this time. "I still gotta call Tseng. Who knows, maybe I can strike up some kinda deal, myself. I don't gotta go back to ShinRa, instead I get to help save the world."

And then he was laughing. It wasn't a strong laugh or a loud laugh. It wasn't much more than a chuckle, really. But it was a laugh.

"Maybe this way, it doesn't gotta suck."

"I doubt he'd want you ... bringing ShinRa technology for all the Al Bhed to borrow," she frowned. "You never know. You should call him. Does he want to save the world? Maybe he'd go for it."

They were almost at his room.

"Weren't we supposed to be ... uh."

You know. Bad idea sex? Something?

"In the hallway? We could. Wanna head back to that landing we were standin' in?" Reno smirked faintly and pulled out his room key, stepping up to his door. "Tell you what. We get into my room, and if we keep talkin', we keep talkin', and if we tackle one another and screw like chocobo in heat, then we tackle one another and screw like chocobo in heat, zoto. Win either way."

"I think we kinda lost the mood for the, uh, chocobo thing," she laughed. "I dunno. Maybe ... we just talk and ... uh."

She facepalmed. "I don't know what I'm doing. You know? We were all, whatever, and then tackle-y, and then talking, and I'm ... not sure ... what we're doing. Or I'm doing. I just ... not."

"C'mon in," Reno said, holding his door open. "Mako misses you, anyhow."

Not nearly as much as Reno had, granted. But Mako missed her.

"So, we talk. We figure out what we're doing. We ain't gonna sort it by runnin' all the time, you know."

"I don't know that we're gonna sort it anyway," Rikku said, stepping through the door and shrugging. "It's just ... a mess. Isn't it? I mean. I don't like what you do. But it's ... what you do, and who you are, and without it, you wouldn't be you. That's what this always comes back to. I'm not sure there's any way around that. You know?"

She was going to fidget, and mess with her hair, and glance around, awkwardly. Very awkwardly. "So ... what now?"

"Sit," Reno said, pointing at his bed and making his way over to the ferret cage. She didn't want to go at it like horny riding-chickens, then fine. Mako missed her, Mako was gonna get quality time, dammit. "You aren't sure it can be sorted out. That mean you're just not sure, or that mean you don't wanna try? Tell me now so you're not gettin' my hopes up, here."

The ferret, still kinda sleepy, was deposited unceremoniously on the bedsheets. Have at it, Dumbass.

"Hiiiiii, Mako," Rikku cooed, nudging him with her fingers. "Who's a sleepy guy? Huh? Who is that?"

Without looking up, she added, "It means I'm scared. If I didn't want to, I'd say that, zoto."

Mako was doing the sleepy-ferret-waddle over for attention. Hiii, attention. Finger. Finger could get snoozy-chewed, right? Omnom.

"Talkin' don't mean you gotta... commit to anything, or anything. I mean. Just means that if there's a chance... maybe we can work it out. Whatever you're scared of. Could maybe deal with it, zoto."

For that, she looked up, mid-sleepy-ferret-belly-rub.

"I wanna talk," she said with a faint smile. "I wanna ... you know. I want to work this out. I just meant ... that I worry that we're only ever gonna talk in circles and it won't help. I'm scared. That doesn't mean I'm giving up. I'm not."

"Then... then we don't let ourselves talk in circles." Reno crossed his arms over his chest, which was the best thing he could think of at the moment to keep himself from fidgeting. And he paced. Because tonight was a pacing sort of night. "Talk to me. I'll shut up and I'll listen and I'll hear you out, and you can tell me just what you think and what you want me to do- no matter what you think I'll think of it. An' I'll listen. Can't talk each other into circles if it's just one of us talkin' straight, right?"

She considered. "I don't know that I know," she said finally, giving a helpless shrug. "I mean, I can't ask you to be what you aren't. And you can't ... stop being what you are, just because you think that's what I want. And maybe you should go first. And see, we're doing it again. Maybe we just suck at talking, zoto."

"I want to hear you talk." Reno leveled a gaze on her that stated pretty firmly that he wasn't going to open his mouth and make words come out until she did. "I heard all about what it is you figure I'm doin' and what it is you figure I'm not doin', but I dunno what it is you want me to do. I ain't gonna change who I am, but maybe we can compromise. Just can't until we know where we're sittin'."

Rikku folded her arms with a huff. "I don't know what I want you to do," she said. "I don't have the magic answer that's gonna fix this. I hate your job. You know that. You can't quit. If you did quit, you'd be miserable, and you know it. If you don't quit, you're going to do really bad, evil stuff, and I hate that part, and then you're gonna die, and I'm not too crazy about that part, either. I don't have a third option. You want me to talk, and I don't know what you want me to say."

"Then just play with the ferret some more."

Reno shrugged and leaned back against the wall, reaching into his pocket to pull out his smokes. He'd been smoking a lot more than usual lately. Whatever.

"Already told you, I dunno if I have a job back there. Told you I don't wanna work under ShinRa. You figure that was all 'cause you didn't like that kinda shit?"

"I don't know," she said, and there was a pointed Look to go with that. "I'm the one that's been talking. You didn't even tell me until earlier what your boss said. You haven't told me most of what's going on. The President-guy wants to rebuild ShinRa. You don't. Even though you still want to be a Turk. Even though you kept saying you couldn't quit, someone would come kill you if you did. Even though you keep saying, hey, you have nothing to live for if you're not a Turk. And now you're saying, well, you quit, maybe, except you're not sure. I have no idea what you want. Okay? So you talk for a change."

It figured.

The only times Reno ever seemed to fail at coming up with words were the ones when words were what he needed the most.

Still and all, he was going to open his mouth and try. After a few lungfuls of smoke. Sweet, beautiful, noxious smoke.

"Things are different now than they used to be," he started, and wondered if he could leave it at that without getting smacked for it. He figured he couldn't, so he pressed onward. "When ShinRa was still standin', I would'a got hunted down. A month ago, there would'a been issues with my quittin'. And now the guy who I was most worried about takin' issue with this seems to have it in his head that things gotta change. So maybe if he can do it, so can I. I mean... I can quit. Find somethin' to do that's similar or somethin'. Wouldn't ever be the same. Probably couldn't take pride in it the same way. But... What I'm doin' now, I can't be proud of that, neither."

Okay. Maybe words weren't all that hard, after all.

... Okay. That was. Something. Right? They were. On the right track here. Maybe. ... Maybe?

Rikku nodded. "So ... what do you want, then? That's ... the big question. I mean. A month ago, I would've said, okay, so ... come away with me. Somewhere. Anywhere. But if you do that, you won't really be you. You keep saying that, that ... you need to be a Turk, and then you say you can't be a Turk, and there really aren't Turks any more anyway, and ... all you're really doing is confusing the crap out of me."

"Probably doesn't help that I don't know which way is up, either," Reno said, perhaps a little ruefully. "I don't wanna work for Rufus. Rufus has screwed us up before. I'd stay a Turk if I could, but officially, there aren't any Turks anyhow, and goin' through the motions of bein' one on Gaia means Rufus gets to keep thinkin' he owns me. You should'a heard the shit he gave me for keepin' my personal life here a secret from him."

Awww. The ferret was snoozing. Naturally, this meant that Reno had to lean over and poke at him.

"At this point, it's less a matter of what I want and more a matter of what I get to take, I think."

"So ... what do you want to take?" she asked. "I can't just ... you keep saying, you're nothing without your job, you need your job, why even get out of bed if you don't have your job, and now you're standing here telling me, hey, the heck with your job. Is this just ... you ... being all brave-face at me? 'Cause ... that kinda doesn't help, with the whole talking-straight-and-not-circles. And I ..."

Messy exhale. "Dammit. I hate your job, and you know that, but I don't want you to ... lose it, and feel like you're not you. And I don't know where this leaves us, and we are talking in circles and you know, at least the evil twin had the decency to pounce me."

"No, the evil twin had the indecency to pounce you," Reno said, and he gave the ferret another good poke for good measure before scooping him up in one hand. Sleepcoma. Cool. "There's a difference between havin' a job and bein' what I am. I'm a Turk. If I ain't a Turk, I dunno what I am. But quittin' ShinRa ain't gonna change that I'm a Turk. That ain't talkin' in circles if you know what it means to be one. Just seems that way. I'm more worried about leavin' Rude behind than bein' unemployed, zoto."

"Then don't leave him behind," Rikku glared. "And no, I don't know what it means, 'cause you keep saying it one way and then the other and back and forth and maybe I should go since, hey, I just don't get it. Great. I was trying, you know. Forget it."

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