raspberryturk | Between... Somewhere, and the Dorms, Monday Night

And this next bout of yelling was louder than possibly all other yelling Reno had done in his life.

"E YS HUD SYT YD OUI!"

Deep breaths. Not shaking. Not thinking. Just breathing. Dropping his smoke on the ground and crushing it under his heel and breathing.

"I just wanna fix all the shit that's goin' on! I wanna hold you close and I wanna kiss you and I wanna tell you that everything is gonna be okay, and I just wanna be able to mean it! I don't see what the fuck is wrong with wantin' to be able to tell you the truth, for once!"

"Then tell me the truth!" she snapped. She could shake enough for both of them. "Why are you yelling if you're not mad!? Why do you say you want to work it out if you're not even doing anything!? Why do we have to work it all out first, anyway? Why can't we just stop thinking for five minutes! Would that be so freaking awful!? I know it was a bad idea to kiss him, and I'm not sorry! I'd do it again! Okay?!"

"Okay!"

Okay!

"I'm mad at me, okay? I don't know what I'm supposed to do and I wanna do it anyhow and you were makin' like you didn't wanna be around me so long as I was a Turk, and I'm not gonna ever stop bein' one! But you're apparently totally cool with that now just so long as we don't gotta think about it, so why don't you come over here so we can kiss already and pretend everything ain't messed up!?"

No, he still wasn't thinking.

"Maybe that's the difference!" she yelled. "He didn't go, oh, gosh, my job, I gotta figure out what's up with my job, which is way more important than you! He said, I want you and everything else will work itself out! We'll make it work out! I want you! And okay, he was just saying it to get into my pants, but you wouldn't be! But you won't say it! Because it's not true! Even though you said it was the other night and that's really not cool to just lie to me to get me to stay like that! And no! I've been saying we should just kiss already for ten minutes so you can get your butt over here if you've finally decided, hey, maybe that's a good idea!"

Edited 2008-10-14 04:41 (UTC)

"It's a fucking terrible idea!"

Which was exactly why he was stalking over to her and wrapping his arms around her and sweeping her into a kiss.

Because, naturally, it was a bad idea.

It didn't have to make sense, just then, damn it anyhow.

Edited 2008-10-14 04:50 (UTC)

"I kn--"

She had been about to shout, 'I know that,' and then probably tack on twelve or thirteen more things that didn't matter.

Instead, her arms were around his neck and she was pulling him closer and they were just going to devour each other, right here on the sidewalk, and leave nothing else behind but ashes, and she could be perfectly okay with that if it meant he wouldn't stop kissing her. Because. Because. Please.

His hands were on her shoulders and he wasn't going to let go. Never going to let go. She couldn't accuse him of not loving her, damn it. Couldn't accuse him of lying to her. And even if she wanted to, she wouldn't get the chance while he pressed his lips against hers and slipped his tongue into her mouth and let himself drown in the taste of her kiss.

Not going to stop kissing. Not going to crumble. Not going to shake or cry or even yell anymore.

Not until six minutes later, when he had to surface for air. Breathe and whisper and still refuse to let go.

"A fucking terrible idea. And I didn't lie to you, zoto."

Edited 2008-10-14 05:08 (UTC)

"No?" she said softly, licking her lips as if she couldn't believe they tasted like him.

Reeling. Trying not to think.

"Then ... tell me I shouldn't kiss you again?"

Because if she did, she didn't trust herself to ever stop.

He swallowed. There was that lump in his throat. The one that made it difficult for him to speak. He swallowed again. Okay. Better.

"You shouldn't."

And then he was leaning forward and stealing her lips away again.

She'd need a minute, to reply. Maybe two. Maybe even three. He could hold his breath. She'd taught him.

"Why not?" she asked, leaning up to nip at his upper lip. His lower. Why were they here? And not in his room?

"Why not?" He straightened up a little, looking at her, trying not to lay bare every damn insecurity he'd ever felt in his eyes. Couldn't make up his mind if he was going to kiss her again or run, so he stayed put. Ran his hands over her back. Bumped his forehead against hers. Sighed. "You gave me like a million reasons. Think I can put a finger on any of 'em right now?"

He was trying. They just weren't easy reasons to put words to. This and that and how she was certain she didn't mean anything and how he was a liar and everything else she'd told him. Maybe she was even right. He didn't think she was, though. Not on things like how he'd felt.

"Wanna... get outta here?"

You know. Go inside. Kiss some more. Partake in a few more bad ideas.

"Can we?" she said, voice wavering. Dammit. "It's been ... you left, and then you blew up and then we've been fighting and I can't ... nothing right any more, and I don't know what's ..."

She didn't even know where that sentence was supposed to end. Instead, she was going to lean up and fall into kissing him again.

Nothing seemed right except here, in his arms, even when it broke her heart. Dammit. If this was going to be stupid and crazy and messy and bad, could it at least be all of that later, and just warm and safe and alive right now? Please?

Later didn't do anyone any good. Reno was going to be honest with her about his job, later, might have told her about the plate, later. Maybe later, he could have given her a call to say good-bye, instead of doing so damn near off the bat. Later, lately, wasn't Reno's friend.

That didn't stop him from kissing her. Kissing her and kissing her and then all on an impulse bending over to just scoop her into his arms.

"E muja oui." Walking. Walking with her in his arms because that was maybe the only way they'd get back to the dorms this week. "That's all there has to be. I love you, and you come first, and I mean that."

Oof. Okay. Carried. Carried was nice. It was certainly getting them back faster. And. Okay. Kinda dashing and hot and all that. So.

"I ..." A quick kiss. "I know ... I m-mean ... I know you can't ... I shouldn't ask you. You don't want to promise 'cause ... I mean. I get that. Your job. Kinda. Y'know."

Sucks, she was going to say. Except. He'd told her about it, and ... he didn't think it sucked. Hrm.

"It's complicated," she managed. "Right?"

"It sucks," he corrected her. Sure, it was complicated. But it also sucked. "Didn't used to suck. Then it did. Still sucks." A quick kiss back. "Bein' a Turk doesn't suck. Bein' a Turk for ShinRa, lately, s'what sucks."

Damn proud of what he was. Issues with the management. That was normal, right? You could be a damn good burger flipper or landscaper or zookeeper, love what you did, and still have problems with your boss and hate your job. Totally the same thing. Serious.

"Sucks."

"So you're ..." Quick kiss. "That's ... what this is? Arguing with the President? Labor strike? You ... wanna be a Turk, but ... not for ShinRa? Who else hires Turks?"

'Cause. Being a Guardian mostly sucked when people died and you didn't save them. Occupational hazard, and the kind of thing you tried to avoid, but nobody's fault, really. Not the same.

"Nobody else hires Turks," Reno replied, all in that casual, conversational sort of tone. "World hates Turks. Worked for ShinRa. Not too good on the resume, zoto."

It really, really wasn't.

This called for another kiss. Kisses were nice. "Mako eyes don't help, neither."

No, really. People hated ShinRa. A lot.

"You have pretty eyes," she said.

Well. He did.

"And them doing weird stuff to you isn't your fault. And you're kinda a good guy now. Aren't you? I mean, your boss isn't, but you are."

A light kiss. Those were very nice.

"So ... what is it you're doing, then? If you can't work for someone else?" She chewed on her lip before she remembered something. "How come that blonde guy had those eyes, too?"

Right. Cloud. Mako-eyed fugitive.

Reno sighed.

"I chose my eyes, zoto. And right now, I'm doin' nothin'. I got no place on Gaia if it ain't under ShinRa, and I'm tryin' to figure out how to get ShinRa to let me go without stagin' my own death or somethin'."

...

"Cloud's a different story. Used to work for ShinRa, too. Grunt duty. Infantry. The eyes came later. He didn't get the choice."

Flying a chopper over the wastelands, looking for Zack and his buddy in the coma, so that Tseng could give him a stack of letters from the ancient that he was hot for.

Reno's frown was a very deep frown.

"Have you ... talked to them?" Rikku asked. "Your boss? About ... letting you go. Except ... if you can't be a Turk without ShinRa ..."

He kept saying it. He couldn't be Reno if he wasn't a Turk.

Dammit.

She pressed a finger onto his nose, her lips pulling into their own frown. "I kinda make your life way messier, don't I?"

"It's gonna be messy either way." He offered a faint sort of smile. "I'll take messy with you in my arms. Beats messy with nothin' at all."

He shook his head and stepped up to the doors of the dorms. Doors were tricky with a girl in one's arms. He'd figure that out in a moment.

"S'what I was talkin' to Rufus about before we left Healin. About how I couldn't do it anymore. 'Bout how I wouldn't. There were words, 'bout how he owns me and 'bout how if he brought certain shit up again, I'd kill him myself."

...

"They weren't nice words."

"Owns you?" The girl would help with the doors. In a minute, when she was not seething with outrage. "He's your boss, he doesn't own you. I'll kill him. I kinda wanted to anyway. And okay, that bit kinda freaks me out but that's really not the point. He said that?"

Reno shrugged a little.

"Nobody's gotta kill anybody so long as I don't go back. Which was what I was kinda thinkin' of doin'. Ain't like Rufus is gonna come here or anything. Romeo mentioned it- thing about this place is, it's open to any place, right?"

It just kind of meant never going back to Gaia. Gaia, which had Rude and the rookie and Tseng and all of Reno's favorite bars.

"It is," Rikku said, trying to get a read on Reno's face. "I came here and decided I wasn't going home again. Now I think maybe I would. Can you ... be a Turk here? Or somewhere else? Would you ..."

Deep breath. "Be missing part of you? If you weren't there, doing ... that stuff?"

"I'd miss Rude," Reno confessed, after a long pause. "Don't ever tell him that. It'd go to his head or somethin'. Hell, I'd miss Elena. And Tseng. But I wouldn't miss Gaia. I mean... you saw Gaia."

Hard to miss a graveyard.

"I can't be a Turk on Fandom. This place just ain't made for Turks. I can learn here. I can't work here. I... Kinda dunno what else is out there. Suppose it wouldn't be the same. But I wanna look."

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