Lupus A4, Monday Evening

[raspberryturk]

It had been A Day. A week. A whole weekend and Reno, who was still both puny and plastic, was in need of a drink.

He wasn't in a bad enough way that he was going to go to the bar. There were certain things that action figures shouldn't do in public. Sure, he could go to The Perk to give computer lessons and he could scar his friends for life, but the bar? Even if he was hurting for a drink and a smoke and a hell of a lot of escapism, he wasn't going to head to the bar. Besides, he had his own booze. It was simply a matter of getting into it. Easy as pie.

Or, it should have been, except the bottle toppled over as he was attempting to pry the cap off, and it took him with it. The next thing he knew, he was on the floor, face down in spilled scotch, and his body was a good four inches away from his head.

Oh, good. Not only was he an action figure, but he was an action figure with a freaking faulty balljoint for a neck.

This would have been less problematic if his body wasn't more interested in saving the booze than it was in solving the fact that it was slightly decapitated at the moment.

"No, stupid, I'm over here."

It was going to continue being A Day.

[Open! And I swear, he'll be normal again tomorrow. I just had to. My own Reno action figure's head falls off on a regular basis. Pretty, yes. Lots of points of articulation? For sure. But clearly not made to do much looking around, poor thing.]

Comments

[raspberryturk]

Reno crossed his arms and glowered. See, totally posing for the camera.

"The damn phone comes up to my waist when it's open, yo."

It totally did.

[the_merriest]

Snap! He might have noticed the flash going off. Oops.

"Then someone should tell Rude. I guess that's my girlfriendly sort of duty, right?"

She punched in a few buttons and held the phone up to her ear.

[raspberryturk]

Reno just stared.

"Uh. Thanks." He was gaping. A lot. "You know, you owe me huge for this," he grumped.

[the_merriest]

"I just put your head back on," Rikku chirped. "That doesn't count for anything? ... Hi! Is this Rude? Yeah. Reno totally can't do his report right now. For a decent bribe, I'll tell you why."

[raspberryturk]

"That is so damn cold," Reno frowned, taking himself a seat on the floor. "This an' gettin' drunk at the campfire and- You sent him a photo of my ass that time, zoto."

He sniffed.

"I think you get along better with my partner than I do, yo."

[the_merriest]

"You had a chocobo tattoo on your butt," she pointed out, unnecessarily. "And I called him at first to try to get him to talk you out of it. That was nice of me and you never even thanked me. Hmmm?"

She turned her attention back to the phone. "A frog? Seriously!? Footage that you're sending me now, right?"

[raspberryturk]

Reno's wee plastic eyes opened wide.

"No damn way! Hit cancel, dammit! Fuckin' just say no and hit cancel!!!"

Frog was the most retarded fucking status ailment ever. Ever.

[the_merriest]

"How did he turn into a frog!? I mean, he said his world wasn't weird like this. Maybe it's you, Reno. You ever think of that?" Rikku pulled the phone away from her ear to hit ACCEPT. Woo, Reno as a frog!

"Hmmm? Oh! No, no, it's totally worth it. Seriously, don't you trust me by now? It's good stuff. He's a doll."

Which she might have said just so he would yell 'action figure' again. Maybe.

[raspberryturk]

"ACTION FIGURE, DAMMIT!"

Oh look, it had worked!

Okay. Deep breaths which weren't doing him any good without his lungs, here, and he was taking up smoking the moment he was normal again, because dammit, he needed to. A lot.

"Frog's a freakin' status ailment where I'm from. Like fury and mini and petrify. Ain't just me, for fuck sakes." He was bitchy. He needed a smoke very badly, right that moment. Not happening.

[the_merriest]

"Yes, I mean it. He's got spiky plastic hair and he's so cute. He's also cranky 'cause he can't smoke and all the rest of it." She sighed into the phone. "Of course I taped it. He's sitting here drinking and his head keeps popping off."

Rikku looked back at Reno. "Okay, petrify is one thing, but you can get turned into a frog? As a status ailment? I mean, that's just weird."

[raspberryturk]

"Yeah, it is weird, yo." He scowled. A lot. And put one hand on the top of his head to make certain it wasn't going anywhere, dammit. "Impalers do it. I been keepin' a shitload of 'em on hand lately. Just in case, yo."

One never knew when it would be imperative to turn someone into a frog, okay?

"Makes sense, if you're fightin', though. Frogs don't really do a lotta damage."

Also, it would be damn humiliating to die as an amphibian.

[the_merriest]

"It doesn't make any sense," she frowned, staring at the action figure doll boyfriend she was arguing with. Ah, yes, Fandom. "Why not just petrify or freeze or stop someone? Turning them into a frog is just stupid. Can you still cast, as a frog? Does your weapon change? Dude."

Back to the phone again. "No, I didn't get footage of his head popped off. I kinda don't wanna take it off again, either, I mean, what if he changes back? That'd be bad."

[raspberryturk]

Reno stared right back.

"Cast? Weapon? Rikku, you're a frog." He was going to sit and scowl and hold his head on grumpily. "I never said it was a good idea, I'm just sayin', if you're from the right neck of the woods, might be the only thing that keeps you from bein' eaten by a bandersnatch or some shit, is all."

Had he mentioned that it was humiliating? No? He ought to.

[the_merriest]

"Or ... you could learn to throw Petrify or Stop or Confuse or something that's useful and doesn't involve turning people into frogs." This was not a hard concept, was it? She was going to stare at him for a while longer.

The file was sending anyway, not like she was leaving Rude hanging there.

[raspberryturk]

"It ain't like I make a habit of turnin' people into frogs," Reno scowled. "I picked 'em up when I was drunk. Ain't used any of 'em. Ain't plannin' on it, either."

He was going to have a grumpy mumbling moment, here.

"And bein' a frog in the middle of a freakin' battle just sucks, yoto."

[the_merriest]

"Can I have them?" Rikku asked. "I kinda have a nifty idea for something to do next time newbies show up. Remind me. Hmmm? Oooooh, it went through? Check it out! Isn't he adorable?"

More giggling. "I would totally buy one. I'd keep it on my nightstand and give it kisses at night."

[raspberryturk]

Reno was going to stare again.

"You're gonna scar the newbies for life, yoto." A beat. "I'll get some Maiden's Kiss to go with that, so the newbies ain't stuck as frogs for too long, yoto."

He would not be adverse to kisses at night, therefore he did not argue when she called him an adorable action figure dammit.

[the_merriest]

"No, he can't reach the keyboard. I don't think he could open his laptop right now. ... You're totally not allowed to tell Tseng, but you can use that for blackmail, sure. That's why I sent it, isn't it?"

She frowned at Reno again. "I'm being awful to you, huh?"

[raspberryturk]

"Yes," Reno informed her, crankily. "Yes you are."

It had been an embarrassing day as it was, dammit.

"Tell Rude he might as well forward the photo on to Tseng, zoto. Can be my excuse for not gettin' my report done this week, or whatever."

See. Totally wasn't good blackmail if he wanted it to be passed around.

[the_merriest]

"Reno says you should show Tseng, it's a good excuse for his report being late."

Rikku leaned over and kissed the top of Reno's spiky head. "You want a bra ride?"

Sometimes, she had weird ideas.

[raspberryturk]

Reno was staring again.

...

This was going to take a moment to sink in. But only a moment.

"So long as I ain't the only passenger in your bra, yo." He was grinning. Going for a ride with the wonder twins would be a very pleasant sort of way to make up for the fact that this had been possibly the most humiliating day... since he'd been dyed blue.

[the_merriest]

Rikku stared at Reno. "You ... have friends you want to bring?"

Look, the Reno Action Figure was welcome to take a ride, but if the Sold Separately Sidekick Pack was waiting to come along, they were Not Allowed. That was just wrong.

[raspberryturk]

Reno rolled his eyes and smirked.

And then pointed. One hand at Breast Number One. And the other at Breast Number Two.

"I'd like them to come for the ride too, yo."

Subtle, Reno? Pfft. It was important to be clear, here. Otherwise he'd just be an eight-inch action figure riding around in a b-cup like it was a bucket seat.

[the_merriest]

This was Rikku's duh face.

"Isn't that the whole point?"

Really, she wasn't going to take a spare and make him a swing or something. She just thought he might enjoy getting up close and personal with -- whoa, okay, put like that it sounded kinda disturbing? Still. Rough day, no liquor and no smokes and he was an action figure and Fandom was so weird.

[raspberryturk]

This was quickly turning into the Best Day Ever.

"I wouldn't be adverse to the prospect of goin' on a bra ride, zoto."

Because they were talking about Reno going on a ride. With a pair of giant boobs.

He had the best girlfriend ever.