raspberryturk | The Chapel On The Ship, Friday Afternoon

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The Chapel On The Ship, Friday Afternoon

Okay, so there had been a bit of drinking, last night. A little. More than a little. A fair bit. A lot.

Reno and Rikku were totally smashed. Which had led to wacky goings on and terrible fashion choices ~~in a completely handwavey manner~~ involving a horrid Hawaiian shirt, even worse shorts, and one of those hideous fish-ties.

There just so happened to be a chapel on the boat. And, in their particular states of inebriated stupidity and horrible misdress, there had been a revelation...

Weddings totally didn't count if you used fake names, right?

And heck, even if they did, they were drunk enough that it seemed like a very good, very hilarious idea, at the time.

[Open chapel is TOTALLY OPEN. Because... Yes. It must be.]

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This was so special. An' shit.

Luckily, the on-board wedding chapel specialized in getting couples in, wed, and out again with a minimum of fuss. The biggest hold-up was attempting to spell the names correctly for the paperwork, since Marina Fellina Concertina would probably know how to spell her own name right.

"Then a Y, an' then ..." Rikku leaned over and squinted. "You know what? How 'bout you just spell it how it sounds right to you?" The officiant stared for a few moments, then resumed scribbling. "Yup! That's essactly right. You're a good guesser."

She waved a hand to where Reno was probably buying rings or flowers or some of that ... whatever else they needed. "C'meeeeeere," she leered. "I wanna be your sexy lady. Wife-lady. Mrs. Higurrnurrhurrnurrhurrguson."

Reno blinked up, not even bothering to hide the leering he was doing at Rikku's outfit before just randomly pointing at a ring and paying for the whole shebang as quickly as possible.

"An' somethin' else for mine an' stuff," he added.

This was the best junk ever.

Over to the altar he ~~drunkenly stumbled~~ hurried, which earned some more head shaking from the officiants, and there he waited for his beloved. Patiently.

Giggling.

Well, the officiants had been wanting to get rid of that monstrosity anyway, so. It would do nicely for Mr. Higurrnurr ... hurr ...

Sven. It would do nicely for Sven.

The blushing bride wobbled her way over to the altar, clutched her beloved by his shirt-lapels and laid a thorough tongue-kiss on him. One that the officiants desperately wished they could un-see. Bleach might be required.

"This's so romaaaaaaantick," she sighed happily.

Edited 2009-02-27 22:40 (UTC)

"S'too bad Tseeeen-... Tzzz. Sssss. Rude wunnit here to see," Reno said, clearly heartbroken. "He'd shit 'mmself, yoooo."

He pointed at the guy with the book an' stuff in front of him.

"Kay. We're all ready an' junk. Marry us, zoooto."

They had no idea what exactly a 'zoto' was supposed to be. But they supposed it would be best to get the ceremony underway before they could be unfortunate enough to find out.

"Dearly beloved," the officiant began -- because it was customary, and not because he thought in any way that anyone here was beloved. "We are gathered here today to join ..."

The officiant continued, waxing eloquent about the solemnity of marriage. It only took a few sentences for the bride to start fidgeting.

"I din't know there'd be so much talking," she told her fiance in a stage whisper. "You think he's gonn' talk f'r a while? I gotta pee."

Marina Fellina Supernachina thought she was whispering, anyway. But then, Marina was completely hammered.

"Hold it," Sven Nurrdurrbobblehead whispered back, completely audible to the rest of the room, with another wobble for good measure. "I don' think red bubble-wrap is all... assorbant, or whatever."

Well, that was what her dress looked like, wasn't it?

The poor man standing before them cleared his throat and decided to speed up the ceremony, some. He'd speak faster. Yes. That would get the crazy kids out of the chapel more quickly.

The crazy kids who for whatever reason actually had enough money to afford all this.

He didn't want to know.

Sven had loads of money, because Sven was totally a Turk. No, wait, Reno was a Turk, and Sven wasn't Reno. Reno was just playing the part of Sven today. Like a movie. Essept without any cameras. Oooh, look, some people brought some cameras! That made it all okay.

"I'm not gonna pee myself," the bride said indigantly. "I jus' meant, if he's gon' take f'rever, I might go take a potty-break b'fore we get to the int'restng stuff."

The officiant was going to skip ahead. It wasn't like they'd notice, and he wasn't paid enough for this shit anyway.

"Looks like they're gettin' t'th' good part anywho," Reno announced, making absolutely no attempt to maintain his indoor voice whatsoever. "It's gonna be all, do you an' then... kissin' an' shit."

A beat. The officiant kind of stared at them for a moment. He wasn't even going to ask the congregation if people saw any need for this wedding not to happen. Because, really, if people started giving reasons, they could wind up here all day.

Another beat.

"I like the kissin' part," Reno added with another wobble and a hiccup.

Yes. Very good. Continuing on...

"I like the kissin' part toooooo," Rikku wriggled happily. "An' the other parts. The later ones that we can't do yet 'cause we're not married."

Clearly, Marina Fellina El-em-en-oh-pina was saving herself for her wedding night. You could tell, couldn't you?

The officiant cleared his throat. "Do you, Marina Fellina ... er. Do you, Marina Abergoo, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, to honor and cherish, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"

Marina had to think pretty hard about that one.

"Weeeeeeeeelllllllll," she admitted reluctantly. "I'm not a hunnerd percent sure that he's th' father?"

So much for saving herself.

Reno had to blink and take a moment to kind of gawk at Rikku. And then he had to put forth an admirable (but failed) effort to keep from bursting out laughing.

"Awwww, but shiiiit, Ri- I mean, Mariiiina, don' say that too loud or nothin', 'cause, uh, little... Fred... Gladys... Tifa'll be all... Heartbroken an' shit."

Clearly, little Fred Gladys Tifa had a good many things to be heartbroken over.

"I'll be, like, a good father'n stuff for... her... 'n stuff," he solemnly swore.

"Awwwwwwww," Marina cooed. "I loooooooove you, baby."

More hideous exhibitionist tongue-kissing followed. Really sloppy tongue-kissing. They weren't faking the seriously freaking drunk part, after all.

"Okay," she said, standing up straighter and nodding to the officiant. "I do. He's gon' be a good dad to ... to li'l Fred Gladys Tifa-Anne. An' I loooove him. An' I'm kinda mostly sure it's his anyway."

Well, Marina sucked at math.

"Pretty positive," Reno agreed, aiming for Rikku's finger a few times with the ring and gracefully missing twice before actually getting it to whatever finger looked right at the time. And then tilted his head almost patiently as the officiant pressed onward.

Really, he was all too happy to move onward, here.

"And do you... Sven, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to honor and cherish, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"

Reno seriously had to pause to consider this. Careful consideration. With a snort and a snicker as he grinned to his beautiful, beautiful bride.

"So long as that tattoo of the other chick on my ass don't cause noooo problems, yep!"

Mr. Higurrnurrhurrhurrwateverson was hopefully lucky enough to be marrying a very open-minded individual.

Marina was gonna laugh so hard that she had to clutch at Sven to not fall flat on her ass. (Again.) Stupid go-go boots.

And then she was going to try, with all of her might, to summon up an expression that could pass for indignant outrage, or at best, utter confusion.

"Your ... oth'r chick's a drunk baby chocobo!?" she gasped.

Noes! Of all the secrets to withhold! From her, and from Fred Gladys Tifa-Anne!

Edited 2009-02-27 23:26 (UTC)

"She an' I ain't even serious, no more," Reno swore as desperately as he could fake, grasping for her arms and leaning into her so that the both of them wouldn't fall over.

Counterbalances were awesome that way.

"S'jussss' you, babe," he promised. And he accentuated this promise with another attempt at a sloppy kiss. Which he completely missed. Her eyelid was close enough, though. It was totally on her face. That counted.

The officiant cleared his throat. Really, he would like to get this over with, if at all possible.

"Okay," Marina declared. "If you say it's ov'r with that hussy slut, then I'mma marry you annyway."

Drunken baby chocobos were always homewrecking tramps. It was a law.

"Izzat it?" she asked. "Do we gotta ... recite somethin' or turn around three times? Or d'we just make out now?"

The officiant looked like he was almost in pain as he managed to choke out, "You may kiss the bride."

And then he ran.

Reno, of course, was going to lean. Leeeaning for the giiiirl.

... That totally involved balance, didn't it? It did. It was hard to be balanced when you were as drunk as they were. And if asked in the future, Reno would totally swear that it was the fish-tie that threw him off and sent him tumbling down the steps when he leaned too far.

Rikku would lie and say she had been trying to save Reno. That would sound classier than admitting that the heels had gotten the better of her. Again.

Owwwwwwwwww.

This seemed like a really good time to lie on the floor and hope the ceiling would stop spinning around like that.

"Hey," she called, vaguely, in the direction where she thought her non-spouse might have landed. "Heyyyyyyyy. You din't kiss me yet."

"Oooooh yeah," Reno replied as he picked himself up. Kinda picked himself up. Sort of.

Okay, he was crawling. Crawling over to Rikku, where he'd kinda flop over and kiss her on the floor.

The kiss of true love, really.

If the officiant hadn't been smart and fled for his life, this would be the, 'I now pronounce you husband and wife,' part.

Maybe the people watching would be nice enough to pretend that part totally actually happened.

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The Chapel On The Ship, Friday Afternoon

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