raspberryturk | Room 308, Monday Afternoon

"I quit," Reno agreed. And then shrugged. "Tseng might get jobs now and then, freelance stuff, zoto. Might let me take a look at 'em, might let me get out on the field and do stuff. But I'm not ShinRa's pet. I don't wanna help Rufus rule the world all over."

"Then why ..." She bit her lip, glancing into her room and out into the hallway again.

A second later, she was shutting the door behind her. "Can we talk?" she asked. "In your room, I mean? It's ... more private, and all."

This wasn't a conversation she wanted to have in a doorway, really. And she had a roommate, so ... could they?

Reno shrugged and turned to head down the hallway.

"Don't see why not. Kinda don't want the whole dorms eavesdroppin' in on this anyhow, yeah?"

Nice, private room. Closed doors. Reno could go for that.

He held onto that 'why,' as they headed to 429. Worked through the four million reasons in his head. They were all gone by the time they reached his door.

She fidgeted in the hallway while he dug his key out. "Why?" she asked. "I mean. If you quit your job ... wait, why did you quit your job? You said ... you can't keep doing stuff for the President, yeah, but also that ... you kinda have to be a Turk or you're not you. That's all you've been saying for months."

"Still me," Reno noted, unlocking his door and holding it open for Rikku. There was a small, tentative sort of smile attempting to toy at his lips. "How 'bout that, huh?"

He waited until they were both in his room, and he shut the door behind them.

"Turk's more a mindset, anyhow. Put it in my head when I gotta, and I'm a Turk right then. Wasn't even really about the job. And Rufus was killin' us. Tryin' to literally, sometimes, too. Had enough. There're more important things, yeah?"

"There weren't last night," she said pointedly. "Or last week or any of the other times I went, hey, your job sucks, you should quit. Are you just ... ignoring that? 'Cause that's gonna crash and burn pretty fast."

She folded her arms and leaned back against his door. "Besides, you knew all of this last night. Didn't you?"

"I knew it last night. Wasn't like I was sober enough to tell you. And didn't wanna just... fall into bed with you if you didn't know. I mean. Wanted to. But didn't want it to be somethin' you'd regret in the morning, either."

He was chewing at the inside of his cheek, now. A far less obvious fidget than toying with the bottom of his jacket might have been.

Though he was doing that, too.

"So I said somethin' stupid. 'Cause... I dunno. 'Cause I'm stupid, I guess."

"That's no excuse," she said. She wasn't fidgeting; she was standing stock-still, trying to stare him down. "You could have said any of this last night. You didn't. You said the Al Bhed stuff was a joke and blew me off to go sightseeing. I said I wanted you back, and you laughed at me. You know, I don't find it all that funny."

Cool head. Turk was a mindset. The mindset was cool head. Reno was making a point to stay in that mindset now, because if he didn't, he was going to just... fail.

"No. It's no excuse." Cool head. "Didn't mean it to come off like it did. Wanted to see Tokyo. Wanted to show you somethin' that was as close to Midgar as we were ever gonna get. And I sucked at it, and I flew off at the mouth wrong. And there's no freakin' excuse. I'm sorry, zoto."

She waved it off. "Doesn't matter," she said. "We saw Tokyo. It was good. You quit your job. 'Sgood. You'll be miserable in three weeks and go back to it. That's good, too. Dunno why I had to come here to talk about it. Stupid."

"I don't even expect you to give me that much credit," Reno muttered, directing a scowl toward the floor. "Ain't like I earned it, here. Just figured I would tell you that I wanted to sort things out before lettin' the rest of it come back. 'Cause... I don't usually sort. I run. And this time I tried it, and now I know why I don't try to fix things. Seems like I suck at it."

"What's there to sort?" she asked. "You quit your job. Just so I'd go, 'hey, he quit his job, everything's great now'? You know it's not gonna be that easy. You know it's not gonna work like that. And --"

She rolled her eyes. "And I don't believe you're going to stay away. I tried to stop being who I was, for someone. It doesn't work. You'll just resent me and go back to it sooner or later."

"Didn't quit for you. Quit for me. Quit for ... Gaia and ... justice. I don't fucking know. I quit 'cause I just can't do his dirty work no more, and I went to tell you 'cause it was a problem anyhow and you deserve to know. And now you know. I quit." He pursed his lips and chewed on his cheek for another moment before speaking again. "Wasn't Rufus who made me what I am, anyhow."

"But you're still doing work for them."

She was still leaning back against his door, arms folded, watching him like this was an interrogation. Maybe it was.

"You said that. Tseng's gonna hand you some stuff, to do. So you'll be doing the same damn thing, under the table, and you'll pretend it's different. It's not."

Reno certainly felt like it was an interrogation.

"Tseng isn't Rufus. I trust Tseng. And I can say no to the work." He almost smiled, then. Almost. It wouldn't have been an entirely sane smile, if he had. "Figure that out, huh? Me, sayin' no? Like maybe I should be used to gettin' the option? Like, yo, Reno, you wanna go blow up some ... I dunno. Some orphanage or some baby ducks or a bubblegum factory? And I can just go, gee, I'd love to, but I got this personal rule against blowin' up bubblegum factories. Maybe next time, zoto."

"And then Tseng says, do it or I shoot your girlfriend," Rikku said coldly. "And you say, yes sir, you bet, sir, and he says, by the way, the President says hi."

Reno pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head.

"Tseng quit, too, Rikku. And Rude. And Elena."

She narrowed her eyes, watching him as if she expected there to be more coming.

When there wasn't, she asked, "Why?"

"They can't do it anymore, either. We don't owe Rufus anything. We were tired of all the shit when it was his old man runnin' the world, yo."

He shrugged.

"Rufus probably sees it like some kinda mutiny. That's exactly what it is. We walked out. He wants to rebuild his company, he's on his own."

"Then ..." The wheels were spinning, but slowly. "No. Because ... he didn't let me shoot him. The President. He's still ... loyal to him. He wouldn't just leave. It's a trick."

"He didn't let you shoot him 'cause it was his job to protect him. S'what made him a Turk, Rikku. You do the job. It ain't his job anymore." Reno shrugged, like this logic was the most natural thing in the world.

He'd been living by it for years.

"Turks are loyal to Turks first, Rikku. Even Tseng's said 'no' before."

"What makes you think he's going to be any different?" Rikku looked away. Hey, a wall. It was a nice wall. "I know, he said 'no' once or twice. I also know what he said 'yes' to."

Like, say, handing Reno orders to destroy a whole town.

"You know what. You don't know the why." Reno furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the other wall. He didn't want to get into the technicalities behind the whole mess with the plate. Put up the 'Turk mode' front tenfold so he'd be able to talk about it with a straight face.

Still didn't want to go there.

"Tseng wouldn't give us orders to do anything he wouldn't have done himself if he had a choice. There was a lot of shit goin' on, then. He had things to do too, zoto. Was a mess."

Stone face. Cool head.

"No excuse," she said softly, her eyes dropping to the floor. "There was no excuse for that. You can't tell me he had a good reason. He didn't. You know he didn't."

And neither had he.

"No excuse," Reno agreed. "No excuse for doin' what we did. Just, he had a reason for passin' it off on me. Wasn't like he was makin' some big attempt at savin' his guilty conscience or whatever. No excuse for the rest of it. Never will be."

Even Turk Mode was failing Reno, here.

He licked his lips. And he kept his eyes on the wall. And he wondered if maybe his chest was supposed to hurt like that. Tight and hollow and trying to jump up into his throat.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject