Room 429, Friday Evening

[raspberryturk]

Reno was looking at the dirty postcard that he had received from Romeo with about as much admiration as agitation.

On one hand, Romeo had pretty sweet taste in women.

On the other hand, the hundred-and-something year old postcard was... a hundred and something years old. Which was going to be problematic, so far as writing Romeo back to thank him for the vintage porn was concerned.

"Say tray jolly yes," Reno decided, butchering the French language as he stood the postcard on his dresser and stepped back to appreciate it. "And so help me, dammit, I'm gonna tell you that to your face, yoto."

[Door's shut, but the post is open like openly open things. Calling all girlfriends, yo.]

Comments

[raspberryturk]

Before Reno could say another word, Rikku was gone, and he was alone in his room with the cat.

Standing there. Looking down. At the cat.

...

"You better not piss on the floor or anything."

[the_merriest]

Petey yowled. And then wandered over to the door, and yowled again.

Hey, where'd she go?

[raspberryturk]

"Oh, come on," Reno groaned, walking up to the cat and bending over to pick him up. "Cryin' and carryin' on at the door ain't gonna make her get back any faster, Dumbass."

[the_merriest]

Hey, he -- Oh! Hi!

Petey began licking one of Reno's fingers. Intently.

Renos tasted good.

[raspberryturk]

Renos tasted like Reno, and, occasionally, of Rikku. This particular Reno wasn't going to be tasting like Rikku tonight, because there was a cat sharing the room.

Reno walked over to the bed and sat down on it, putting Petey on the bed beside him.

"My hand ain't for eating, Stupid." This didn't mean he was stopping the cat from licking his finger, really.

[the_merriest]

Petey sprawled on the bed, nipping at Reno's finger, and then marched a few steps away.

Where he promptly flopped down on his back and put his little paws up in the air.

Awwww. Look at his belly! Loooook at the belly. It needed to be rubbed.

[raspberryturk]

... Yeah, actually. That fuzzy white kitten-belly kind of did need to be rubbed. Maybe the rubbing needed to go hand-in-hand with some taunting, because that was just the way Reno rolled.

"You're such a stupid kitty. Stupid retarded shoe-biter reject son-of-a-coeurl." Rubrubrub. "Dumbass. Who's a little dumbass? You are!"

[the_merriest]

Yay! Yay! Belly rubs! Cuban Pete wrapped himself around Reno's hand and chittered, happily. And licked it, right there, see, Renos still tasted good.

Oh! Oh! He should bite it! See? He totally got Reno's hand. Totally.

[raspberryturk]

Oh, yes. Reno's hand was quivering in abject terror.

Oh, nono, wait. It was laughter. And it was accentuated by giving the cat a playful sort of shake. One-handed wrestling with the retarded thing that was trying to eat his hand.

"See, joke's on you, pal. Because you think you won this round, makin' me miss out on a night rippin' the clothes off of Rikku and doin' it in nasty ways you could never dream up? But I got one up on you." Pause. Smirk. "Two up on you. Who's got no nuts? Petey's got no nuts!" Shaaaking the kitty.

[the_merriest]

Petey was, luckily, far too stupid to know he was missing his manhood. This was really a good thing all the way around; the last thing the cat species needed was more stupidity in it.

Petey was also sure that he and Reno were bestest friends now, because they were fighting! Grrrr! And his back legs were kicking and he was chewing and he was mrolwwolwororing happily away. Best friends! Yay!

[raspberryturk]

If there was just one thing that living in Fandom for a couple of months had taught Reno, it was that nothing was official until there was a song-and-dance number to finalize it.

And that was why, rather than letting the back claws of his girlfriend's cat continue to shred his arm to bits, Reno was going to stand Cuban Pete up by putting his hands under Petey's front legs.

And then he was going to bounce the now-standing-up cat to the beat of a badly composed song that he was coming up with very on-the-fly.

"I'm Cuban Pete,
I'm not too tall,
and to top it off,
I got no balls."

Bounce. Bounce. Bouncey dance thing. Reno was very absorbed in tormenting the cat. He wouldn't have noticed his door opening if, say, his girlfriend were to come back or anything.

"I'm Cuban Pete,
I'm such a putz,
And worst of all,
I got no nuts!"

[the_merriest]

Petey was enjoying the song. You could tell by the way he was chewing on Reno's hand.

Rikku was enjoying the song, too. You could tell by the applause.

[raspberryturk]

...

"Aw, fuck."

Reno wasn't going to turn around to face his audience. He was just going to sit on the edge of the bed and turn progressive shades of red as he let go of Pete's legs and gave him a (very gentle) shove.

"That's right, you dumbass cat. That'll show you, zoto."

[the_merriest]

"Who's a good kitty?" Rikku grinned, shutting the door behind her. "Check it out, I brought a litter box, and food-food, and oh! Toys!"

The three or four furry objects she dropped on the floor might have made Reno wonder about that "no squeaky, no jingling" clause they had going.

[raspberryturk]

"Great. Food-food and noisy crap." Reno was still a little red in the face as he turned around to face Rikku again. "I thought we agreed there wasn't gonna be jingly... junk. In here?"

[the_merriest]

"I don't remember that," she said sweetly. "You said that, but he doesn't have any toys that aren't loud, so ... looks like you're stuck."

Awww, the litter box should go right here, in the corner. And it wasn't food time yet. And hey! He was already chewing on the dangly-thing! He loooooved his dangly thing.

Awwww, Petey.

[raspberryturk]

The next thing Reno said might possibly never be known for sure, though somewhere in amongst the grumbling, such words as 'fixed,' and 'noisy' popped up more than once.

There was a pause, and then another bit of grumbling. For good measure.

"What happened to just tossin' your cat a ball of yarn or a rolled-up sock or whatever?"

[the_merriest]

"I buy him toys," she shrugged. "If you have socks, he'll play with those, too. I don't think I have any yarn. Really, Petey will eat anything."

He would.

[raspberryturk]

Sigh. A very tolerant sigh. Reno didn't mind the nutsless cat as much as he'd let on, really.

"I'm gettin' him toys that don't squeak, if this becomes a habit, yoto."

[the_merriest]

"You want it to become a habit?" she bounced. "I should bring Petey more often! You guys can be friends."

Petey yowled happily. Having no idea that he impaired anybody's sex life.

[raspberryturk]

Reno stared at the cat. And then at Rikku. And then at the cat.

...

"Sounds... great?"

...

Cats. Ugh.

[the_merriest]

"I'm gonna be really sad if you and Petey don't get along, yoto," she said, eyes dancing. And sitting down next to him on the bed.

Petey was distracted. You could tell by all the jingling.

[raspberryturk]

There was that little grin, creeping across Reno's lips again as he leaned over to put his arm around her shoulder.

"Can't hold it against him, I guess. I'd be a little messed in the head too if I was fixed, yoto."

He could lean in some more, from here, and kiss her. Hooray, a game plan!

[the_merriest]

Rikku snickered. Well. Not right away. Right now, there was kissing, and nuzzling, and trying not to be distracted by jingly noises.

But after that, Rikku snickered. "I can't picture you fixed. You'd be all ..."

Blink. It seriously boggled the mind, here.

[raspberryturk]

Reno was going to stare at Rikku, now. It was kind of a... pained sort of stare.

"Yeah. I can't see me fixed either, zoto."

...

More staring.

"You sure know how to make a guy want to learn how to hide his balls inside his spleen, zoto."