raspberryturk | A Secluded Corner of the Beach, Sunday Evening

"You take what you can get, when you don't got," Reno replied, fiercely intent on watching that cloud, now. "And then, when you have, you use it, or else someone else is 'gonna. I can get by on nothin', done it before. It's havin' all the time that throws me off."

"You shouldn't have to." Rikku took a steadying breath, trying to wrap words around her thoughts.

"It was .... we all lived together," she said. "Nobody went without, because we all needed each other. We were all we had, you know? The Yevonites weren't going to help us, so we had to rely on one another. If someone's hungry, then the rest of us can give up some of our food, so they'll be okay. So we all will, not just some of us. When I want to pay for things, with you, it's not ... because I feel sorry for you, or because it's charity. It's because I have, and you don't, and so whatever I have should be yours, too. You're ... family. Yeah?"

"Family. Yeah." He glanced sideways at her, frowning thoughtfully. "Different kinda family, is all. I mean, we're goin' on what, nine months now? Somethin' like that? And this is still all... new. Fandom's weird like that, I guess. Takes people and gives 'em all this stuff they never saw. Even the people who are used to the weird get somethin' else to try to figure out."

Family. Huh.

"I'm workin' on it. Okay?"

She had to count in her head. November minus February equals ...

"Yeah, nine," she said. "For me, it was ... people not caring that I was Al Bhed. Maybe we were so protective of each other because we know how much everybody else hated us, you know?"

She leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder. "I don't mean you have to, I guess, it's just ... I don't know. I don't want you to feel like you have to pay for me. I get all 'heyyyy, buster, I have money, too.'"

"I don't feel like I gotta. It's just weird, when you wanna treat me, that kinda thing." Reno leaned a little, Let his head rest against hers. "You cold? It's kinda cold out. I mean. November. That."

"You're here, so it's not too bad," she said, snuggling in against him. "I kind of like it. It seems like a good night to just ... watch the sky, yeah?"

She laughed, softly. "I think I was worried it was a boy thing. Like noooo, I couldn't pay for you, I'm the girl and all. I hate that."

"Heh. If it was a you're-a-girl thing, I woulda had my ass kicked all over Midgar by every chick I ever worked with from Cissnei to Elena, by now," Reno mused, snuggling back. It was good weather for snuggling, he had to agree. "Tell you what. When I got a job again, then I'll let you take me out to dinner. To celebrate or whatever, I guess."

"Some guys are stupid like that," Rikku said with a sigh. "They'll say they're totally fine with girls doing whatever, but the guy should pay for dinner, and they don't like it if you fight better, and all kinds of stuff that makes me want to punch them."

The irony was totally lost on her, yes.

"You don't have to, if it'll make you feel weird. The dinner-thing, I mean. Is it just dinner? When I buy you stuff, like, here, it's a gift, are you weird about it?"

Reno shrugged.

"Food is kinda a different thing, yeah? I mean, gifts can be all... thoughtful and junk. Maybe somethin' I wouldn't pick up for myself, but I'd be happy to get anyhow. I'm always gonna have to eat, though. It's probably just me bein' weird all over, but when it's somethin' I gotta have like that, it should be me gettin' it, I think. I mean. Sometimes someone'll drop by and be all, here, I brought food, I'm sharin', and that's one thing. If it gets all, 'my treat,' I dunno."

Reno shrugged. Thinking in a straight line was challenging sometimes.

"I still kinda feel like an idiot because I asked in the first place, yo. All, hey, Rikku, feed me. What the hell, right?"

"It was an assignment," she reminded him. "Okay, I can get that. About food, I mean. It's ... something you need, not just something it's nice to have. That's what you mean, right? Because it's ... you can take care of yourself. You keep saying that. And I mean, you can. But it's important for you, to know that, isn't it?"

The sound of the waves crashing in was soothing, in the rhythm it had.

"I think ... I do that, too. But not with food. Maybe with fighting, maybe with people not believing I can take care of myself. Like when Pops says he's gonna rip your arms off, for going out with me. It feels like he thinks I'm some little doe-eyed girl who needs to be protected from you. I'm not an idiot. If someone needed to rip your arms off, I would have, already."

"I'm kinda fond of my arms," Reno mused. And then he shrugged and settled back even more, laying on the blanket and staring up at the sky. "Anyhow... I think that's what it is, yeah. It's, I can take care of myself. If I can't, I shouldn't be expectin' anyone else to."

He watched the gray haze of cloud drift through the ink above them, frowning thoughtfully.

"Ever get the feelin' like everything is goin' great in your life, and you're still doin' it wrong?"

Now seemed like a good time to stretch out next to him. Big blanket, plenty of room for it. Warm enough, if you stayed close.

"It's not expecting if you let someone do something nice, now and then," she said, wriggling in against him. "And ... I don't know. Maybe? I used to think everything was good, once, but it kinda wasn't. I was just pretending it was. That's not really the same thing."

"I don't think I'm pretending, though," Reno replied, rolling slightly to drape an arm over her. "I think I'm just kinda... lost. Or somethin'. And I dunno where I'm tryin' to end up anyhow."

"Because of your job?" she asked, hesitantly, playing with the sleeve of his shirt. It gave her fingers something to fidget with. "I mean, I know it's kinda ... important. And it kinda all went bust, yeah?"

"Hell in a handbasket," Reno agreed, shrugging his shoulder slightly. "It was my life for years. Now I gotta figure out where to go from here, I guess."

Rikku considered that for a few seconds.

"Where do you want to go?" she said, finally. "I mean, you could do all kinds of things, couldn't you? There are all kinds of opportunities, you know. Especially in a crazy place like Fandom."

"Even crazy places like Fandom have their limits," Reno replied, shaking his head. "I mean, I know I can do stuff. Plenty of stuff I can do. Just... Not so much of it is stuff I can do and feel useful, yanno?" He pursed his lips momentarily, furrowing his eyebrows. "That's what's eatin' me, I think. No flyin' machines on Fandom. Nobody needs... the dirty stuff. So I... app for a job at the flower shop? Try to maybe learn the finer points of sellin' Ratman comics? I dunno."

He chewed on his lip, and then shook his head.

"The opportunities mostly come up when someone needs to go on an emergency run off the island, or when the faculty goes nuts, anyhow. I'm kinda... rottin', here."

"A job here isn't the same as a job long-term," she said, carefully. "I mean, I sell guns, for Cable. That's not what I'm going to do with my life. Especially since I never sell them. It's just something to do, it's not your life's calling, it doesn't mean you're ..."

She was the one watching the clouds, now. Intently. "You feel like you're rotting?"

"Ghanima's trainin' me, the kinda skills I might never use again, considerin' Tseng hasn't called me with a job yet anyhow." He sighed, seeking out particularly fascinating drifty things in the sky above. "I'm not puttin' myself to use, is all. In a place like this, I dunno if the kinda uses I got are the kinda uses they need. So... I dunno. Maybe I'm gettin' rusty. Even with the training. Different kinda rust. I gotta get out. Do somethin' that means somethin'. Fix shit or beat on things or--" He looked at her, frowning. "Damn. I'm not doin' a great job comin' up with happy date conversation or whatever. You can, uh, smack me. If this is just me bein' an idiot. Or whatever."

"You're not being an idiot," she said. Her voice was guarded, and her gaze was still on those same clouds. "I didn't know you felt like you were rotting, here. I never meant for you to be ... trapped. If you're unhappy here, then you should ... go where you can be happy. Back to Gaia? Do they have ... things you ... need to be doing there?"

He frowned and glanced sidelong at Rikku, then, shaking his head.

"Nobody's got me trapped here, Rikku. I'm still here on Fandom 'cause I wanna be here on Fandom, zoto." And there he went, chewing his lip again. "If they had things they needed me to do on Gaia, Tseng would'a called by now. I'm thinkin' it's a bunch of the same old new nothing. And anyhow, I have a life here. I just dunno what to do with it, now that it's not all... covert-ops this and reports that."

"You have a life," she repeated. "There's more to it than covert-ops this and reports that. Isn't there? Or is that really all you have? You've been spinning your wheels for a month now, because of this, and nothing else seems to get through to you. Maybe this life isn't what you need. Maybe here isn't where you want to be. You're just hanging out until you can figure out where to go next."

"I got you," Reno replied evenly. "I got you, and we got the posse, and here's where I belong, for now. I got... I dunno. Money down on that graduation. An' stuff like that. But it's only another semester. Maybe I stay through the summer, too. And after that, what am I supposed to do with the education? Read poetry to small children or somethin'?"

Maybe it was a matter of figuring out where to go next. But.

"I ain't exactly in a hurry to just run off and leave you behind, Rikku."

"Aren't you?" she asked. Deep breaths. In, out again. "You lost your job, and it's like you lost you. You're a shell lately. I'd rather you be there, and yourself again, then ... keep you here just because you think it's where you're supposed to be. Because you're obligated or because ... I don't even know any more."

Pause. "If you want to read poetry to kids, then ... do it, and have a great time. But if you don't, then ... don't. I don't know what you want, and I don't know if you know, either."

"There isn't even home anymore, Rikku." Reno was rolling over a little now. Sitting up and frowning. "Home was Midgar. And the Turks aren't Turks, so that isn't an issue, either. The only direction I can go in is forward. There ain't no backsteppin'. And... Anyhow... This place kinda... grows on you."

He shrugged. The sky wasn't as interesting, suddenly, as his knees and ankles were.

"You grew on me. I... told Tseng once, you were my reason to breathe. Never had one of them before. And... Shit, Rikku, you still are. Just, nothin' beyond that point makes any sense, anymore."

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