raspberryturk | A Secluded Corner of the Beach, Sunday Evening

It was cold out. Getting colder. And. There she was, and they were both working on that breathing thing. And that meant that he was going to have to shrug out of his jacket, and drape it over her shoulders, and then pull her close. And maybe never let go.

"You are. This. Right now. You are." He took another breath, and turned enough so that he could bury his face in her hair. Kissed the top of her head. "Some of it's... I mean, you don't wanna hear it. It's dirty. I said you didn't have to be okay with it, and I meant that. This here. This is... Us. This is good. Just, on the side of us, I think I gotta find somethin' to make myself useful with, is all."

Something that, preferably, didn't consist mostly of drinking and torturing Smoochy the adorable television rhino.

"I love you," she said softly. Because she needed to say it. They only seemed to say it when it mattered, didn't they?

She pulled his coat closer around her and tried to think. "You need ... something to do. No, that sounds like stupid busy work, and that's not what I mean. Something meaningful to do. Are you still doing research, like on power sources and things like that? Could you tinker with droids and ... that's ... kinda not your thing either, huh?"

"Kinda... I dunno. That thing we were talkin' before- that science project of yours. That seemed kinda like somethin' I could get into. I mean, even if it's just us bouncin' ideas like that around, that was somethin'. I wasn't just bein'... I dunno. A lump of Reno."

He didn't do so well when he was just a lump of Reno. He needed Things To Do in the Here and in the Now.

"I whined to Rude once," he noted. "Turk work wasn't this enough, wasn't that enough. Sittin' and waitin' all the time was... boring. I should'a joined SOLDIER. That," he continued, "was me bitchin' for the sake of bitchin'. I wouldn't have traded it in. It was dirty work, yeah, but nobody else was gonna do it. That's what I need to start lookin' for. Somethin' that there ain't nobody else around here wants to do. Somethin' that's gotta get done, anyhow."

There was a pause, then, and he squeezed her tighter in his arms and breathed her in again.

"I love you, too. You know that? I wasn't just sayin' it, when I said you were a reason to wake up in the mornin'."

"Did you want to work on that, with me?" Rikku asked, sitting up to look at him quizzically. "The defense system? I mean ... it's not beating people up or anything interesting like that. I figured it was just me being stupid and tech-y. If you want to, I'm sure Tyler wouldn't mind, and I could use some help trying to get it all together, you know? I have ideas but ... I'm not sure how it goes together."

She bit her lip. "Dirty work that needs to be done. There probably is a lot of that around here, if you know where to look. There's certainly enough back home. Fiends everywhere, and someone has to kill them, you know?"

"You're piecin' together a security system for a whole island, you're gonna need someone who made a livin' on beatin' the system," Reno pointed out. "Putting 'em together can't be much different from takin' them apart, zoto."

He shrugged his shoulders a bit.

"Even that. I could handle that. Make a run to Spira now and again, you know? Plenty of fiends out there, like you said. And it'd be... doin' some good. The WRO has most of the monsters handled around Edge, so they don't really need a guy like me runnin' around beatin' on boundfats and giant freakin' maggots outta the blue."

"You'd know where the best gaps are," she said, nodding. "The ways people are going to attack it, first. I don't, really. I know how to set up patrol droids, but not what the system's got to try to get around, you know? I'm not sure how to make it failsafe. I don't want people getting hurt from what's supposed to be a defense system. That's why I'm not sure if there should be weapons at all, at least not in the first round."

She was thinking, now. "If not Edge, are there other places? I doubt your whole world's safe. Not after the things we saw happen. You could take weekend trips to other spots, clear out some monsters. Maybe ... maybe Tseng's not passing on those jobs because they're not what you used to do."

"You figure he's gettin' those jobs in the first place?" Reno mused on that for a moment, and then shrugged. "Maybe I'll give him a call sometime soon. See if there is somethin' goin' on, anywhere on Gaia, that I can stick my nose in."

There was a somewhat chagrined pause, at that. "We don't got the choppers anymore. Those were ShinRa's. So if I do end up goin' back to Gaia for odd jobs, I'm gonna have to ride birdback."

Reno was so not an equestrian. Avianestrian? Chocobo-rider. That.

"For the time being, maybe I'm gonna have to settle for helpin' poke through your schematics for an early warnin' system, at least. It doesn't have to be offensive, no, just so long as it watches the entry points and gauges threats well, zoto."

"No idea," she admitted. "Maybe he's just getting things in place, hasn't started taking jobs yet. I don't know. You should call and pester him."

Maybe Tseng was the type to need someone to light a fire under him, to get things off the ground. And a bored Reno was certainly useful for that.

"Chocobos make good time," she shrugged. "Although not really compared to an airship, or a chopper, or anything. But way better than walking, especially in Mi'ihen."

She considered for a few seconds. "... What you said, earlier. About how ... some of it's dirty? The stuff that ... I'm not okay with."

Edited 2008-11-17 07:54 (UTC)

Reno could imagine already how well a pestering sort of call to Tseng would go. Probably something like, 'Tseng! Tseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeng! I'm bored.'

It would be a thing of beauty.

"That stuff," Reno agreed, his expression shifting to an uneasy sort of frown. "I mean. I know you don't wanna hear it."

"I don't ... like it," she said, carefully. "I mean, that you ... did those things? But if you need to talk ... about anything, I'm here. Yeah? It shouldn't be ... where I'm only okay with you talking about stuff that's pretty, and safe."

"I don't wanna just toss the stuff that ain't safe at you, either," Reno pointed out. "I mean. Just knowin' it, sure, that's safe. But it's not clean. It's blood on my hands and some of it I even miss. I don't go out lookin' for it, but if it came my way, like it did on Doji's hunt back in Japan... I'd be on it. I do it good. But I don't wanna just chuck it at you, either. I mean. It bugs you, right?"

Rikku was chewing on her lower lip. Trying her damnedest not to wave things off, pretend it was all a-okay. No, seriously, it's all fine, really.

"You miss it?" she asked. "You mean ... getting to be useful, or ..."

She was just going to let that one hang.

"What I do out there, I do well," Reno replied. Part of him was thankful that they were actually talking this out. The rest of him was screaming in the back of his head, abandon ship! Abort! Abort!

He ignored that part.

"Chasin' down that Amano guy for Doji, that was child's play. Got thrown around a little, but that's because I let my guard down. Gettin' rusty."

That sort of thing happened when your most recent opponents have been bladed discs and overpasses.

"I ..." Still worrying her lower lip between her teeth. "In Gaia. When we fought that Bahamut of yours? I thought ... I thought about how much I missed that. Slashing, punching, dodging, knowing when to pull back, it's ... it's almost like a game you're focused in on, yeah? I ... I like being good at that. I felt crazy-awesome when he went down. Even if most of it was that Cloud-guy. It wasn't all him, you know?"

Slight pause. "Is that what you mean?"

Reno tilted his head a little, chewing on what she was saying. And then he gave her another little squeeze.

"That. That's what I mean," he agreed. "It's not just about... gettin' out and... you know. Hurtin' people. It's the challenges. It's when I get out there and I remember that I'm damn good at doin' what needs to get done. The stuff other people don't wanna dig their hands in, because it's too dangerous or too monotonous or too menial for 'em. And then I get out there, and I tear hell all over it, and there ain't nothin' monotonous or whatever about it. That's what I miss. That part, that satisfies me."

"I think that's ... why I liked being a Guardian," she said. "Because some people can't fight back against the fiends. But it's not just, hey, I'm a good guy, I protect people, it's ... I'm good at it. We got Yunie to Zanarkand alive. She was only the fifth Summoner in a thousand years. And most of them didn't get kidnapped by Maesters or put on trial or half the stuff we went through, and we still managed it. Okay, Yunalesca almost took us out, but she didn't. You know?"

Messy exhale. "I can't believe I was going to give it all up. I worry about that, you know. You, giving it all up for me, and then ... not being you any more. It's too easy to do."

"I take it you know how easy it is from experience, huh?" Reno frowned a little.

Ah yes. Jude. The tree-hugger who didn't like Rikku killing monsters.

"You know, I'm not really... givin' it all up. I'm just workin' on ways to get somethin' back, and up to my knees in a whole lotta nothin' like it in the meantime. You're, like... this whole different level, zoto."

"Unfortunately," she said, trying to shrug it off. "I made him armor, and a non-lethal weapon, so that when we went home, we could take out some fiends. Supply run. But he kinda ... wasn't okay with it."

He grew up in Toronto. It had to be weird, adjusting.

"You're giving up some of it." She was fidgeting again. "I mean. You said you'd ask me, first, what jobs I was okay with you taking. So you might give up some of the uglier ones. And ... maybe that's not ... fair to ask."

She shot him a curious glance. "What do you mean, levels?"

Reno stared at Rikku somewhat incredulously.

"Okay. He sounds like the kinda guy who'd throw his girly little arms in the air and shriek like a toddler with a squirrel in his pants before he'd ever make a move to protect himself if he was attacked by a monster. Uh."

Reno knew nothing about this Toronto place, but he was pretty sure that even weird Canadian cities had their rough neighborhoods. And possibly moose. He'd heard something about Canada having moose.

"There's a difference between ugly and important, Rikku. If I don't take the ugly ones, Rude or Elena will. Elena's not really a rookie no more, zoto. She's earned her stripes." He shrugged. "Just so long as I ain't stuck at the 'helpin' old ladies cross the road' point, I'm good."

He was watching the sky pretty intently, now. There were stars up there, once the clouds drifted past. "Levels. I mean. Like you gave things numbers, you know? You said Turks came first, and you came second, and... That ain't the case. I mean, I'm kinda at a loss without the Turks, but if it was just them... I'd be runnin' in place, yoto. I moved forward, since I got here. Since I met you."

Edited 2008-11-18 06:29 (UTC)

"He's not from worlds like we are," Rikku said, loyally. "It was hard for him. I'd go off world-saving and he'd stress about it. So I tried not to, so much, any more, because he couldn't handle it. But I think that was just ... not ever going to be right, you know? That's what I mean. That I don't ever want you to feel like that."

She was going to stare at the water, again. "If the ugly ones were important ... I mean ... if you had to do awful things, but there was a good reason for it? That'd be different, I think. If you had to go ... take someone out, but there was a good reason for it that wasn't just, your boss wanted them dead. Not just, hey, he's a bad guy anyway. I don't know. I think I have a screwy moral center." She frowned, at that. "It's been wobbly lately. I think. I don't know if that's ..."

Rikku shook her head to clear it and looked over at him. "You mean that?"

Reno quirked an eyebrow. He'd met plenty of people here in Fandom who wasn't from a place like Gaia or Spira. Hell, their best friends here were both from a place without monsters.

... Poor Romeo. Reno would have warned him about things like dragons if he'd had any clue they were going to be casually swinging on by to save the world.

"I mean that. I mean... You remember when you met me? About fifteen pounds of lighter and missin' sparrin' dates so I could lose my head in smokes and tequila?" He pursed his lips a little and looked at her, giving her another little squeeze. "I sleep more, you know. Not so many nights just... up lookin' out the window, or whatever."

... Well. For Reno this was clearly a big change.

"... How do you mean, 'wobbly?'"

"I've noticed you putting on weight," she smiled. And then facepalmed. "Not in a bad way. That sounds like ... dude, you were all skin and bones, you know? Your face kinda filled in some. You're ... you seem like you sleep better. Like you're not just gonna waste away into nothing."

She was chewing away her lower lip. "No, that's not right. You never -- you never seemed like you were going to break. Just that you were going to get more and more stretched out. Hollowed out, almost. I don't know." She kissed his cheek. "I worried about you. Still kinda do. Just ... less."

Rikku hugged her knees in closer, mulling over the question. Or avoiding it. "It's nothing," she said. "Just a little ..." She had her hand see-saw back and forth. "Wobbly."

"Wobbly." Reno mimicked the see-saw motion, an eyebrow twitching upward. "I know all about wobbly moral centers, Rikku. Trust me, you can expand on that a little. I ain't gonna judge you, here."

"I know you won't," she said, quickly. "It's not that, honest. It's ... nothing. I've been worrying about some things, but I think it's just ..."

She shrugged, awkwardly. "I'm making too big a deal out of nothing."

"If it was nothing," Reno reasoned, "you wouldn't be makin' a deal out of it at all, zoto."

In Reno's experience, Rikku made big deals out of big things. Mass murder, racial slurs, Petey's hairballs. That sort of thing.

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