raspberryturk | Room 429, Saturday Evening

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Room 429, Saturday Evening

So, today had been a long day. Between his best buddy getting shot by some fancy-talking twit on the beach, and the annoying hex that had been placed on him by that nasty, nasty old chick during his and Doji's Sex Ed presentation, Reno was more than just a little ready to curl up on a chair by the window, staring out over the island.

Quietly. Very quietly. The laughing fits had subsided, fortunately, but he was still annoyingly mute.

At least the chittering of the ferret involved sound. When Reno wasn't in A Mood, he'd have to give Mako extra treats or something for helping him preserve his sanity.

[For one person in particular, but open for interaction before she shows up if you don't mind a somewhat one-sided conversation.]

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Reno was totally awesome at locating spleens. And removing them. In very painful ways. He had experience. Loads of it. He was a professional asshole.

It was perhaps fortunate that he had no means to actually mime that fact out.

Instead, he sighed again, nodded, and wrapped the arm that wasn't in her hands around her middle.

Bastard didn't need his freaking spleen, anyhow. Reno would remove his kidneys, too. And maybe a rib or two. Hmm. He'd mull this over while leaning forward to press a kiss against Rikku's cheek. Kisses, after all, were almost as effective as snuggles when it came to quelling large doses of cranky.

Kisses were very, very effective at helping crankiness. Which reminded her, she had more to discuss with him.

Or. Well. Tell him, and let him gesture in response to.

"So," she murmured, nibbling at his lower lip. "You're big on this whole safe sex thing now?"

Heeey. No fair. They were being all educational and crap. Their valiant efforts at educating the people could possibly save dozens of students from hordes of offspring and a life of celibacy! See how noble his cause was?

He was in for it, wasn't he?

... Best make the best of the nibbling now, then, before she got all mean and stuff. Omnom? Sheepish smile and some omnom?

Rikku giggled. "I'm juuuuuust remembering a certain guy who was so thrilled to get this girl's laces off with his teeth that that whole Safety First lecture slipped his mind entirely."

Okay, she'd been on the Pill and all, but he hadn't known that.

"I mean." She blushed, furiously. "I ... forgot, too? But ... I'm not, y'know. Don Juan over here."

Don Juan Reno.

Kinda had a nice ring to it, didn't it?

Reno continued with the sheepish sort of grinning, offering another apologetic sort of shrug, as he was fairly certain that omnom time had passed. Sad, really.

But, in his own defense, he was going to clack his teeth noiselessly and grin at her. Because... Well. It was a big deal at the time. And he'd gotten wrapped up. A lot. And his brain had stopped. And they both were totally lucky that she was on the pill and he was clean, and she could smack him now if need be. He'd even hold still.

"You're ... hopeless when you're in the mood?" she guessed, giggling. "Do as you say, not as you do? I'll remember that."

She nipped his upper lip again. "I did snag one of those goodie bags. Haven't had a chance to peek at what's inside there. Good stuff?"

... omnom time had possibly not passed them by.

Omnom time was the best. Ever. Especially tonight. And every other night there was omnom time. Totally.

In fact, Reno had to take pause from attempting to formulate a response in favor of a few moments of omnom time. Omnomnom!

Okay. He was good. She'd asked about goodie bags. Right then. Good stuff in them? He grinned a somewhat sore grin and held up a finger in that 'one moment' sort of gesture before leaning back from her a little to reach into his jacket.

He'd snagged a few for himself, naturally.

It was just easier to upend the bag over his bedspread and show her what was in there, as opposed to trying to mime out four lube samples, male and female condoms, a candle, and some kink dice.

Though he did have to admit, the possible guesses she'd have at his attempt to mime them could have been amusing. Maybe next time. Sore face and all. Stupid laughing.

Rikku picked up a few of the items, curious. "Okay, lube, that's ... uh." Blushing. Badly. "Female condoms? How does that even work? We don't .... uh. You know?"

She lifted the male condom, raising an eyebrow. "I ought to make you start wearing these, just to prove a point. Safe sex every time, don't be stupid, riiiiight?"

The look on Reno's face as he reached for the female condom was somewhat self-explanatory. In fact, he'd give her a quick, mime-style demonstration right then and there.

You see, his expression seemed to say, as he made a circle out of the index finger and the thumb of his left hand, you wear them like so.

He proceeded to stick the index finger of his right hand through the circle made with his left.

And then he smirked, as if to say, safe sex every time, yep.

"We should use both," Rikku said innocently. "Together. Lots of protection, then. From now on, we'll use two condoms. At least. Three or four, if we're feeling nervous."

Come on, he'd totally crack first. Right?

Reno wasn't going to point out that female and male condoms weren't compatible with one another at all.

He was just going to continue smirking, shake his head, and pull out the other three goodie bags he'd stashed in his coat.

What? He had to get full value for the class he'd put on. And the stupid freaking curse that was slapped on him.

He gestured to the bags, and then tallied them up on his fingers, holding up his hands with a grin-ow-grin.

Eight, at least. Seriously.

"Oh, really?" she laughed. "I would've thought after two or three you'd start cutting off circulation. Should make some interesting noises, with all that plastic rubbing around, shouldn't it?"

She was, in fact, unwrapping one of the female condoms now, just to play with it. ... What?

What Reno did just then? That would have resulted in a bit of a 'snerk' sound, were he able.

That plastic? It'd probably sound like someone rubbing two rubber bands together. Maybe like a rubber glove attack. Malibu Stacy and Malibu Ben gettin' it on.

Fortunately, Reno couldn't vocalize this notion, as it would probably lead into some terrible segue about the time that he was an action figure.

That had sucked.

He reached for one of the male condoms, since she had something to fiddle with and he didn't, and he unwrapped it. And then proceeded to idly stretch it all crazily out of proportion. Damn, were those things stretchy.

He, uh, wasn't gonna use this one, though. Clearly.

Now would be a good time for her female condom to make a dangerous attack on his male condom. It was going to DEVOUR IT WHOLE.

Vagina dentata, eat your heart out.

Reno stared at the man-eating girl-condom, wide-eyed.

...

Okay. He was never going to trust birth control again. Until next time he had to.

...

Naturally, this was as good a time as any to retrieve his condom and blow it up like a balloon. Try eating that whole, girl condom!

Well. That was far more difficult. Rikku would just have to ... sneak her other hand up and dig her nails into the condom.

It was thicker than a balloon, but it still popped.

"Weeeeeeird."

Reno was now laughing silently again, and fuck, it hurt, but it was much-needed to have a good laugh of his own, anyhow.

He held the limp remains of what was one a proud, inflated condom up, letting them dangle there for a moment. And then he shook his head, sadly.

Poor condom. We had just barely begun to know thee.

Rikku saluted the condom who had been so bravely shot down in his youth.

"Do you think we'll be okay with just seven?" Rikku frowned. "Maybe we should just cuddle, just to be sure. I mean. Safe sex is important. You gave a whole lecture and everything."

Reno rolled his eyes and smirked, and shrugged, and then proceeded to mime that he was in a box for a short while.

And then he stopped abruptly and made a cutting motion over his throat.

It was very 'no mime sex, remember?'

She had, after all, said so herself.

It took her a second. He was. In a box? He was gonna die from being in a box? He --

And then she laughed so hard she almost fell off the bed.

Reno blinked and reached forward to catch her.

Laughing, it would seem, was very bad for what ailed you, today. He'd veto laughing from here on. Sounded like a plan to him.

...

Just as soon as he was done laughing with her. Maybe he'd kiss her. That would stop the laughing, right?

Kissing always stopped the laughing. Kissing was a trump card like that.

She nipped at his lower lip. "Only seven condoms and you're a mime. Dammit. And to think I was gonna let you show me more of those magazines."

Not really, but she wanted to see his pouty face.

Mime by default! Mime by default! He totally couldn't help it, this time!

Even if it was mostly his fault. Dammit.

Now he was going to have to pout. After flailing a little. But only a little.

Awwww, Rikku, that was Reno's sadface. Meanie.

"Totally your fault," she said, trying to resist the poutyface. "I was gonna see if you had videos, of the kinda stuff you had in the magazines. Maybe some really kinky stuff. I feel all ....... creative."

Because she was trying to break him, that's why.

Reno was not gonna cry. Really. He was just going to sit there and reinforce the poutyface, there. More pouty, it had to be more pouty!

Maybe he could toss in a little lip-quiver for good measure? That might help! Yeah!

He liked the kinky stuff, damn it!

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