raspberryturk | Room 429, Saturday Evening

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Room 429, Saturday Evening

So, today had been a long day. Between his best buddy getting shot by some fancy-talking twit on the beach, and the annoying hex that had been placed on him by that nasty, nasty old chick during his and Doji's Sex Ed presentation, Reno was more than just a little ready to curl up on a chair by the window, staring out over the island.

Quietly. Very quietly. The laughing fits had subsided, fortunately, but he was still annoyingly mute.

At least the chittering of the ferret involved sound. When Reno wasn't in A Mood, he'd have to give Mako extra treats or something for helping him preserve his sanity.

[For one person in particular, but open for interaction before she shows up if you don't mind a somewhat one-sided conversation.]

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"We should use both," Rikku said innocently. "Together. Lots of protection, then. From now on, we'll use two condoms. At least. Three or four, if we're feeling nervous."

Come on, he'd totally crack first. Right?

Reno wasn't going to point out that female and male condoms weren't compatible with one another at all.

He was just going to continue smirking, shake his head, and pull out the other three goodie bags he'd stashed in his coat.

What? He had to get full value for the class he'd put on. And the stupid freaking curse that was slapped on him.

He gestured to the bags, and then tallied them up on his fingers, holding up his hands with a grin-ow-grin.

Eight, at least. Seriously.

"Oh, really?" she laughed. "I would've thought after two or three you'd start cutting off circulation. Should make some interesting noises, with all that plastic rubbing around, shouldn't it?"

She was, in fact, unwrapping one of the female condoms now, just to play with it. ... What?

What Reno did just then? That would have resulted in a bit of a 'snerk' sound, were he able.

That plastic? It'd probably sound like someone rubbing two rubber bands together. Maybe like a rubber glove attack. Malibu Stacy and Malibu Ben gettin' it on.

Fortunately, Reno couldn't vocalize this notion, as it would probably lead into some terrible segue about the time that he was an action figure.

That had sucked.

He reached for one of the male condoms, since she had something to fiddle with and he didn't, and he unwrapped it. And then proceeded to idly stretch it all crazily out of proportion. Damn, were those things stretchy.

He, uh, wasn't gonna use this one, though. Clearly.

Now would be a good time for her female condom to make a dangerous attack on his male condom. It was going to DEVOUR IT WHOLE.

Vagina dentata, eat your heart out.

Reno stared at the man-eating girl-condom, wide-eyed.

...

Okay. He was never going to trust birth control again. Until next time he had to.

...

Naturally, this was as good a time as any to retrieve his condom and blow it up like a balloon. Try eating that whole, girl condom!

Well. That was far more difficult. Rikku would just have to ... sneak her other hand up and dig her nails into the condom.

It was thicker than a balloon, but it still popped.

"Weeeeeeird."

Reno was now laughing silently again, and fuck, it hurt, but it was much-needed to have a good laugh of his own, anyhow.

He held the limp remains of what was one a proud, inflated condom up, letting them dangle there for a moment. And then he shook his head, sadly.

Poor condom. We had just barely begun to know thee.

Rikku saluted the condom who had been so bravely shot down in his youth.

"Do you think we'll be okay with just seven?" Rikku frowned. "Maybe we should just cuddle, just to be sure. I mean. Safe sex is important. You gave a whole lecture and everything."

Reno rolled his eyes and smirked, and shrugged, and then proceeded to mime that he was in a box for a short while.

And then he stopped abruptly and made a cutting motion over his throat.

It was very 'no mime sex, remember?'

She had, after all, said so herself.

It took her a second. He was. In a box? He was gonna die from being in a box? He --

And then she laughed so hard she almost fell off the bed.

Reno blinked and reached forward to catch her.

Laughing, it would seem, was very bad for what ailed you, today. He'd veto laughing from here on. Sounded like a plan to him.

...

Just as soon as he was done laughing with her. Maybe he'd kiss her. That would stop the laughing, right?

Kissing always stopped the laughing. Kissing was a trump card like that.

She nipped at his lower lip. "Only seven condoms and you're a mime. Dammit. And to think I was gonna let you show me more of those magazines."

Not really, but she wanted to see his pouty face.

Mime by default! Mime by default! He totally couldn't help it, this time!

Even if it was mostly his fault. Dammit.

Now he was going to have to pout. After flailing a little. But only a little.

Awwww, Rikku, that was Reno's sadface. Meanie.

"Totally your fault," she said, trying to resist the poutyface. "I was gonna see if you had videos, of the kinda stuff you had in the magazines. Maybe some really kinky stuff. I feel all ....... creative."

Because she was trying to break him, that's why.

Reno was not gonna cry. Really. He was just going to sit there and reinforce the poutyface, there. More pouty, it had to be more pouty!

Maybe he could toss in a little lip-quiver for good measure? That might help! Yeah!

He liked the kinky stuff, damn it!

"Maybe next time you'll listen to me," she sighed. "Maybe I can take some of those videos down to my room and watch them by myself. I bet Ella's never seen someone who can put their head against their own ... well. They're educational, aren't they?"

She was getting up from the bed now. 'Cause. She had to go see those videos. The ones she wouldn't watch if you paid her. And wasn't a little bit curious about, despite that. Much.

Reno was now in the act of scrambling forward after her... because... well.

Because, for one, that was his porn, and she wasn't checking it out of his video library unless he had a hand stuck in to personally assist her in picking the best stuff.

And for another, dammit, they had been kissing, and it was good kissing, and couldn't they just go back to kissing? Please?

She whirled around, eyes huge. Still innocent. Still playful. "You don't want me to see?" she giggled. "Is it that bad? Is it really, really dirty? Will I think you're awful and depraved? A girl should know, y'know. Just how bad it is we're talking about."

... Some of it was real bad.

Reno attempted to mime out exactly how bad it was, but quickly came to the realization that, while he was flexible, he couldn't get his leg that far up over his head without outside help, so he pretty much gave up before he got started.

....

Instead, he was going to go digging for it to show Rikku just how awful and depraved he was.

Edited 2008-09-22 06:45 (UTC)

Rikku was not sure what was winning: curiosity, or disgust.

"Is this going to be people doing really sick things where I look at it and never, ever wanna have sex again?" she said. "'Cause we only have the seven condoms and you are a mime but things change. I mean. Mental scarring is forever."

Depraved did not have to mean things that were going to completely make her wonder if he was a sick freak, in the bad kind of way. Um. Right? Because ... she could go now ...

There was a very quiet sort of tsk-tsk-tsk as Reno shook his head, digging through his dresser for his DVDs.

Most people kept clothing in their drawers. Reno didn't have much clothing. His drawers hid all the stuff that he didn't want anyone stumbling across if the school ever started doing room inspections.

And then he surfaced with it. The glory of his collection. The holy grail of porn.

He wasn't going to pop it in to show her. At least not yet. He was just going to tap the write-up on the back and then hand her the case.

It was, effectively, the Midgar Slums equivalent to Girls Gone Wild. Except... well... slummier.

"'Slum Girl Sluts'?" Rikku said, grimacing.

Okay, at least it wasn't anything really crazy involving barnyard animals or people puking on each other. 'Cause. She heard some people were into weird stuff and she didn't want to know.

"So ... is this just ... girls?"

Reno nodded! It was a very enthusiastic nod!

Hottest slum chicks in Midgar! 100% bonafide footage of the hottest chicks under the plates, doin' what they do in the soothing darkness of the dirty underside of the proudest city in the world!

... Well. The city was gone and Reno's porn stars here were probably all dead by now. BUT HE HAD BEEN HELPING THE ECONOMY BY BUYING THIS, OKAY?

It was a good deed.

Plus, it was girls rubbing their titties all over one another.

Okay, so it was a lot of girls having sex with each other and he was really, really proud of it. That shouldn't make her giggle as hard as she did.

"Local pride?" she asked. She wondered if the Al Bhed had some sort of dark, seedy underground of porn, and then realized she really, really didn't want to know.

"So ... you want to watch this with me?" she laughed. "Why?"

Watching movies like this seemed like a solo activity. For, uh. Solo activities.

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