Room 308, Thursday Midday

[raspberryturk]

The girlfriends had classes. The baby needed to be protected. That was the mission. That was the job.

Hunkered down in Rikku's room. Surrounded by diapers and baby food and a smiling yellow teddybear crib. Watching the baby.

The mind-blowingly adorable baby. With the little red pigtails and the big green eyes and the wiggly toes. Very cute wiggly toes. Reno was resisting the urge to make up his own version of "this little piggy," because he didn't actually know how it was supposed to go.

Yep. Alone in Rikku's room. With a baby.

And Madrox.

"If she craps herself, you're on diaper duty, yo."

[For that guy, but the post is open! If you want to make the boys freak out good, just knock. :D]

Comments

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

"Woo!"

Jamie was pretty sure what Janice's mutant power was. He just didn't understand how creating an incredible stench was going to save anyone.

"Or at least some Lysol," Jamie coughed as he held out the wrapped up diaper for Reno to take. "Wow."

[raspberryturk]

Reno's expression lapsed from smug to slightly horrified as he took the diaper, making a fast-as-possible beeline for the wastebasket.

"Dear freakin' Ifrit, it smells like somethin' that'd come outta a Dual Horn with gas, zoto."

For the record, that was pretty bad, yes. He was never eating with those hands again.

"Quick, slap somethin' fresh on there before she can do it again or somethin'."

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

"I'm working on it!" Jamie exclaimed as he tried to slap on a fresh diaper. "And for the love of whatever is holy, don't leave that thing in here!"

[raspberryturk]

Reno stared into the wastebasket, at a loss. And then, kind of tentatively, reached to pick up the entire basket, diaper and all.

"Think we can pawn off this mess on the sentries at the door?"

No, there was no way Reno was leaving the room.

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

Jamie made a face but nodded. "Yeah, take the whole can," he said mangling the new diaper and grabbing another one.

[raspberryturk]

Reno peered over for a moment to toss in his two cents before rushing the door.

"Try puttin' her bum onto the diaper first, instead'a goin' the other way," he stated, the door flying open and the whole mess of it being thrust out into the hallway. "Deal with it," he barked, and then slammed the door shut again.

Because if he did it fast, there would be no time for protest!

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

There were a few shouts of protest but nothing that caused them to break down the door.

Meanwhile the Jamie in room, in his infinite wisdom, flipped over the baby instead of the diaper and tried to put it on that way.

Janice thought this was very amusing.

"Yeah, this really isn't working."

[raspberryturk]

Reno eyed the setup, his back against the door, and then pinched his forehead for a moment, grimacing.

"Don't diapers come with instructions or somethin'?"

Okay. He wasn't going to break the baby. Nope. Babies were harder to break than the effort it took to change a bum. Yep. He made his way over and reached for the fresh diaper.

"Gimmie that, Madrox. It can't really be that hard, can it?"

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

Jamie stepped aside. "Yeah, okay, maybe not. Just remember who took the brunt of the mess here all right? Do we have any hand sanitizer?"

[raspberryturk]

"Try the cart. There's a little bit of everything from the baby aisle in T&C in there, yo."

Reno had just grabbed stuff, okay?

He spent a minute to assess the situation, studying the diaper, and the baby, and the way that the diaper probably went, and then he got to work. A sticky tab here, rolling the baby over there, aaaaaand...

".... I think I got it on backwards."

...

"Good enough, yo."

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

"Didn't I have it backwards?" Jamie asked as he used a half a bottle of hand sanitizer on his hands. "Why is yours better?"

[raspberryturk]

"I did it without manglin' the diaper," Reno said, an air of smugness in his voice. "Ain't that right, Lil'Miss Stinkypants? S'gotta be right. Who'se got her diaper on wrong? Is it you?"

....

Reno cleared his throat. That totally hadn't just happened.

"It's somethin' for the kid to piss in, yo."

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

"Okay, man. I just don't want to be holding her when does her business and she leaks," Jamie said with a little hesitance.

He looked carefully at the kid.

"Think she knows what's going on?"

[raspberryturk]

"I think she knows that there are two totally freakin' clueless idiots who are standin' around makin' faces at her 'cause they got no idea what else they should be doin'," Reno replied. And then stared at Janice for a moment before reaching out to wiggle her feet again. "I don't think she knows people want her dead. I mean... lookit her. She's all innocent and... burbly an' junk, yo."

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

"Well if Cable and Deadpool raise her that's going to change pretty quick," Jamie noted. "She'll be the most dangerous toddler in the universe."

[raspberryturk]

That just made Reno grin more.

"Imagine the baby book, yo. Baby's first shotgun. Baby's first military obstacle course..."

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

"And children books recapping Wade's favorite episodes of the Golden Girls," Jamie said shaking his head. "It's like meta for My Two Dads except one of them is Christopher Walken on Steroids and the other one is an intelligent Sylvester Stallone."

[raspberryturk]

"... Actually," Reno mused, "I think I'd watch that show, if it existed."

He'd pay to watch that show, if it existed.

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

"It'd be a complete train wreck," Jamie agreed. "I don't think I could stop watching."