"Awwwwwwww," Marina cooed. "I loooooooove you, baby."

More hideous exhibitionist tongue-kissing followed. Really sloppy tongue-kissing. They weren't faking the seriously freaking drunk part, after all.

"Okay," she said, standing up straighter and nodding to the officiant. "I do. He's gon' be a good dad to ... to li'l Fred Gladys Tifa-Anne. An' I loooove him. An' I'm kinda mostly sure it's his anyway."

Well, Marina sucked at math.