"Dearly beloved," the officiant began -- because it was customary, and not because he thought in any way that anyone here was beloved. "We are gathered here today to join ..."

The officiant continued, waxing eloquent about the solemnity of marriage. It only took a few sentences for the bride to start fidgeting.

"I din't know there'd be so much talking," she told her fiance in a stage whisper. "You think he's gonn' talk f'r a while? I gotta pee."

Marina Fellina Supernachina thought she was whispering, anyway. But then, Marina was completely hammered.